Erased
by Beckaabook
Summary: BxE - Bella & Edward meet at a party, that night they are both involved in a car crash, Edward wakes up without Bella and spends the next three years of his life without her, they meet again and sparks fly, but Bella's engaged, can Edward win her back? AH
1. Connections

***A.N – rightio – here is a proper summary (blurb) whatvr – Bella is 18 && Edward is 20, they meet at a party and instant chemistry obviously takes place and they get in a taxi back to their university – so on their way home the taxi collides with a drunk driver. They both go into a coma and seem to have a special connection even with their bodies closed down, Edward wakes up after a couple of weeks and visits Bella constantly for 6 months, on the sixth month Bella's family tells him gently that he should get on with his life and leave Bella alone, that it isn't his fault she wasn't waking up.  
Edward moves to Phoenix with his parents and becomes a piano tutor for kids.  
On Edwards 24****th**** birthday his sister Alice brings her roommate from university along.  
Guess who?**

**She has no memory of her life before she woke up.**

**She now has a fiancé and is happily getting married in just months.**

**What can he do?***

**x..xXx..x**

EPOV

"Oh, liven up lil' bro," Emmett said after finishing flexing his muscles to his admiring _"fan club"_

"Yeah lil' E." Cooed his long time, exceptionally annoying and beautiful girlfriend, Rosalie.

"This is the third party you've taken me to since I started University Emmett and how many times do I have to tell you, I JUST DON'T SEE ANYONE I LIKE."

"Are you sure you're still into girls?" he chuckled.

"Yeah, you know I am." I growled; this must be so funny to him.

"Well then why have you turned down the last five hot girls who practically rubbed themselves against you asking for a dance?"

Just like him to bring this up in public, in front of Rosalie. Why, Why, Why?

"Oh yeah, I remember," he Emmett whispered, "You're waiting for the `right one'"

I turned my head the other way and walked up to where they were serving the shots, this was something I just wasn't giving into, so far, I had never met anyone in my life I particularly wanted to lose my virginity with, so I would wait.

"Two Reds baby bro," Emmett bellowed over the music.

I looked at the two copper coloured beauties checking me out and waving. I inwardly groaned as they began walking towards me. I turned around to grab a quick vodka shot and felt an electrical current pulse through the whole right hand side of my body as I was knocked to the ground.

Oh, oh, I'm so sorry, I'm so clumsy, I really didn't..." the brown eyed beauty cut off as I met her eyes, deep pools of chocolate, leading me in to her very soul.

I stared for what could have been seconds, weeks, years even, before she broke eye contact, her cheeks burning a cute red, her long mahogany hair swung forward as she offered me a small feminine hand, I grasped, not to pull myself up but just to touch her, for the second time electricity sprung up my arm, and I noted with pleasure that she jumped a little when we touched.

I pushed myself up with my other hand, still holding hers.

I made the decision in less than a second; I lifted her hand to my lips and gently pressed a kiss on top of the soft skin.

I let out a soft groan when my lips made contact, and she closed her eyes.

BPOV

He let out as low groan as he touched his soft lips to my hand, my eyes closed, hearing him was too much. He was a god, his body perfect, probably about 6ft1 – 6ft2, his lips were soft at touch, his nose angular, his eyes a crisp apple green, almost like emeralds sparking, his hair was bronze and tousled. The most beautiful man I had ever met.

My eyes opened as he pulled me a little closer, and I realised, with embarrassment, that I had leaned towards him while my eyes were closed. His lips were just inches away, my bodily urges couldn't contain themselves anymore, and my mind blurred of all reason, as I reached in and kissed him.

EPOV 

Her lips touched mine, soft and gentle, I licked her bottom lip, begging access to her mouth, she opened to me almost instantly, and I stretched my arm around her waist and her arms met around my neck.

Powerful desire swamped my body and my hands dropped to her ass, my tongue beginning to massage hers, the kiss that had began soft and sensual became fierce and passionate and our lips moved quicker against each other.

I faintly noticed Emmett and his friends "woohooing" but to be quite honest I just didn't care.

She seemed to though, and she broke of gasping her cheeks and neck flushing a deeper red.

"Wow." She whispered her brown eyes connecting with mine again.

"I'm Edward." I said kissing both her cheeks lightly, the only hello I knew would look polite and I could touch her at the same time with.

"Bella," she said, still panting a little.

"I want to touch you," I spoke into her ear, realising too late, exactly how this would sound to a girl, I groaned inwardly waiting for her to back away.

"And I you," she answered her cheeks, if it was even possible, going redder.

I grabbed her hand, and tried to run upstairs with her, that's one of the good things with house parties, lots of lockable rooms.

But she pulled me back; I waited for the rejection to come, the air blowing out of me quickly.

"Let's go to my dorm, my uni's only 10 minutes away in a cab. You don't mind, do you?" she asked as an afterthought.

"No," I nearly shouted at her with relief.

BPOV

Oh. My. God.

I just invited a boy to my room after one TWO MINUTE kiss.

I'm a virgin, I don't even know if I'm ready to do it yet, he's going to push me. He couldn't be that perfect. Then with a jolt I realised I'd just given him permission to have sex with me.

"_I want to touch you." _He had said and I just told him that's what I wanted him to do, to caught in the moment, that's what had happend.

I looked at him, he was leading me outside, calling a cab, and I was just letting him.

He hung up and I turned to set things straight.

"Listen," we both started at the same time, I gave an embarrassingly girly giggle and motioned for him to proceed.

"Ehm, listen," he began again. "When I said I wanted to touch you, I didn't mean I wanted to, you know, _do it_." He took a deep breath and continued. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything."

I breathed a sigh of relief and he gave me a quick, heart stopping, crooked grin.

"It'll still be good to get away from the party though, I can't stand the noise much longer, and it's driving me insane." I laughed. He nodded his head in agreement and kissed my lips again, making my whole body buzz.

EPOV

After, "quite a few" more kisses (make outs) the cab pulled up in front of us.

I opened the door, motioning for Bella to get in first. She slipped in with a small smile playing on her lips and I almost jumped in after her, Bella told the guy where to go and then turned her stunning gaze to me.

She grasped the clasp in the back of her hair which was holding up half of her hair and pulled it out, as she shook out her hair, a mouth watering scent omitted of her, the scent of strawberries filled my nose and I breathed deeply, smelling more of her.

I pulled her close to me, my hands entangling themselves in her hair and I kissed her, with everything I had, I kissed her.

I had never felt this way for a girl before.

As we kissed I felt like we merged to one, our bodies were so close they were almost touching and the heat radiating from her body called to me, I pulled one of my hand from her hair and pulled her gently pushed the small of her back, touching our bodies, sending shocks running through my whole body, I pressed against her, and I felt the returning push. I almost cried with desire, my hand lifting her body on top of mine, so she was straddling me, my hand running through her hair.

I broke of the kiss as I heard the driver yell at the top of his voice, I could have laughed with happiness, until I notice the car in our lane, head in towards us, the man in the front seat with a crazy look on his face.

Bella screamed as I wrapped my arms around her, trying to protect her, my heart thumped as the car came so close so fast, yet it was all so slow for me, I pulled my arms tighter around her slim body,  
a dry sob escaped from her as she nuzzled into me, the driver still trying to move out of the way, I knew it was hopeless, and the car crashed right into us, lurching Bella and I forward, entwined around each other, into the barrier between the driver and us, we slammed into it, and everything went black.

**x..xXx..x**

My aching eyelids fluttered open and I took in a bleeding Bella.

"No."

My intended shout became a croaking whisper by the time it left my mouth.

The pain hit me, agony.

It brung the darkness quickly, and I sunk back into deep unconsciousness.


	2. Not letting go

***A.N – hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**I would LOVE reviews if you could manage, and if you have any ideas for it feel free to PM or just leave it in a review.**

**Thanks for reading **

**Beckaa x***

EPOV

_Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella_

My head chanted her name over and over as I begged her to live, even if I didn't, the connection I felt with her now was just strengthened as I realised that I may never see that face. Ever heard the saying "love at first sight" – well it really can happen.

I couldn't quite understand what was going on with my body, I couldn't move anything, everything felt so heavy, yet there was no pain.

Just as Bella began to enter my thoughts again, I heard her.

It wasn't exactly her voice, but something like an echo of her spirit, like what I had seen through her eyes, just in words, hard to explain.

_Help me!... _ Her echo began to shout.

_I'm here Bella I_ told her, wishing I could cross my fingers, willing it to work.

_Edward, I'm so scared_. Her altered voice entered my head and all I wanted to do was hold her in my arms.

_Everything will be okay, do you remember what happened?_

_The car, it crashed into us, didn't it? _There was a short pause before she started to communicateagain._ Edward, you don't think we're dead? _Her voice was laced with pain.

Well that was something to think about, were we dead? I hadn't even considered the possibility. It seemed the most likely thing to have happened, yet somehow I wasn't quite convinced, something inside of me was sure I still had a life, it was just "on hold" for the moment.

_I don't know, I_ answered her truthfully. _We could be, do you __**feel**__ dead?_

_N-no, _her voice was shaky and uncertain, she was obviously just as confused as I was.

_Bella, what did you feel when the car hit you_? I wondered what she had felt as my thoughts of the accident were still blurred and jumbled, I could only remember pain and then the darkness taking over. There was still darkness, but Bella's voice was my light at the end of the tunnel.

_I, um, I remembered smelling, smelling you, it was like I breathed in your scent and everything went black. _Her voice had quieted and an embarrassed tone wrapped itself around her words.

_You didn't feel pain? My voice was incredulous with shock. _

_Erm, no, I just felt you, I felt protected._

My head searched frantically for a picture of her face. As the picture flew to mind I remembered the deepness of the feelings which had hit me that night, the night that now felt like years ago but was really only a short conversation ago. I knew she probably wouldn't feel the same way as me but then again, if we were dead or dying. Why wait?

_Bella, before the crash, I felt like I was being pulled towards you. If we are dying or dead, there's no reason for this to wait. _Usually, at this point, I would have sucked in a breath of ran my fingers through my hair, but as they were both out of the question, I just took a short pause then thought what I needed to think.

_I think I was falling in love with you._

She was silent for so long that I began to think I had lost her, just as my head was entering into a spin of panic, she answered.

_I think I was falling for you too._

As soon as the words were in my head, it began to spin again, but this time in a good way._ You really felt that way?_

_Put it this way – you're the first guy I've even glanced at since I broke up with my boyfriend. I didn't just glance though_. A girly giggle erupted from her thoughts and I felt the same pull I had felt before the accident strengthens.

_If we ever come back from this, I want to set up a couple of dates_. I was quite shocked at my own light heartedness considering the confusing mess I was in, but that was just the effect that this girl was having on me.

_Well I wouldn't be opposed myself _she joked back.

And that's how it went on for God knows how long, after what I can only describe as "a long, long time" of conversation; she had told me practically everything about herself. From her ex-boyfriend to her divorced parents and she had successfully managed to "mind seduce" me into telling her almost everything about myself.

I usually kept myself to myself, I mean, I wasn't anti-social or anything, I'd just always been quite reserved about my private life. Telling Bella so much about myself is certainly not how our first date would have went, or our second and most probably our third. In a weird way, I had really enjoyed myself, talking to Bella was easy, talking to any other person for so long, maybe even my friends would have gotten infuriating.

As conversation flowed, things got a little more personal, and our sex life entered the conversation – I was all ready for embarrassing myself and telling the truth when she gave a passionate little speech.

_I'm a virgin, look I know it sounds like I'm prude or stuck up, but I just want to wait for the right person, the way I invited you to my room so quickly is so unlike me, I just acted on impulse, I just really wanted to be with you._

She spluttered it into my head so quickly; I actually had to take time to pull it apart.  
She's a virgin too?  
Wow.  
We really were meant for each other.

_I – I'm a virgin too._

_Once the words were out of my head I thought I would have been mortified to have said them because usually, when sex came up, I found some way to distract the conversation from me, or I lied. But I felt proud of myself, I was telling the truth about my most embarrassing secret, and the person I was telling it to could totally relate._

**BPOV**

He's a **virgin**?

Him?

Why would he lie? Especially in the current situation, I could clearly recall his angel face and his too perfect body, he would certainly have no trouble getting girls, in fact, and I could even remember two stunningly beautiful girls making their way towards him before my clumsy footing caused him to fall.

_Really? _I asked, still in shock.

_Really. I just never found anyone special enough, I was raised to respect women and I don't believe in having sex with someone then throwing them away. _

Wow.

He really is just the guy for me. Sensitive, protecting, charming not to mention totally and completely HOT.

_Do you think we'll ever get out of this? _He asked.

The question had been swirling around my mixed up head and him asking it only seemed to upset me more.

_I don't want to die. I'm not ready_.

Cries began to escape my hold and I sobbed noisily until he re-entered my mind.

_I know how you feel, if we are dead, then I died after having a huge bust up with my family, my dad and I haven't talked in weeks and the last thing I said to him was, ironically, go to hell._

My heart went out to him, at least the last time I spoke to my family it was in heartfelt goodbyes with hugs and kisses as I left for my first year at university. I know how bad I would feel if I had left it like that with my parents. I knew how it felt to leave it like that with my ex-boyfriend who I'd been best friends with long before we'd went out, before the accident I'd missed him, realising now I might have to leave it like that with him was almost unbearable.

_I'm so sorry Edward, they'll still know you always loved them, they're your mum and dad, trust me._

I wasn't too sure if Jacob would realise that though, we'd been friends for so long before, and just when he persuaded me it would work going out I realised how much I loved him, but like a brother, after two months of it I decided to give him up, even if it meant he wouldn't speak to me again, because the longer it went on the happier he got, and I wouldn't build his hopes up anymore. And he took it exactly the way I feared he would, we hadn't talked for months before the accident and I hadn't been able to think about another guy without feeling that I wasn't ready, after breaking up with Jacob, I didn't want to start another relationship up, being with Edward was different than I'd ever experienced and I couldn't hold back, yes I was thankful I wasn't still with Jacob but I was also in pain over the separation from my childhood best friend_. _

_BELLA! Can you feel that? _Edwards's excited voice rushed into my head.

_Feel what? _I asked, what was he talking about?

_I can feel someone touching my __**hand**__! _He answered.

Happiness ran through me, we weren't dead! And then I realised I still couldn't feel anything.

_No. I don't feel anything._

_Don't you see it getting lighter? I think I can hear my mum's voice!_

_Edward. I don't feel it._

All the euphoria that had been radiating from his thoughts stopped in that instant.

_Then I don't want to go back. _Pain and stubbornness shot through his echoes, but they were gettingquieter.

_Edward, you have to go, you're already going.  
Tell my family I love them._

_NO! _His shout was now becoming a whisper_. Bella, I love you, I don't want to go without..._

And then he was gone, taking a piece of my heart with him.

I was left alone.

**EPOV**

My eyes opened to my mother's form, her face in her hands and sobs wracking her body.

The light was blinding me, so I closed my eyes while I spoke.

"Mum, I'm so sorry," my voice came out croaky and soar sounding, and I winced as my throat burned.

My eyes slowly opened themselves to the light again and I saw my mum for the second time a confused look over her saddened face.

"You really awake." She whispered, a smile beginning to lighten her face.

I gave her a small smile, this time more careful of my ragged throat.

Then she sprung from her chair and cuddled me, gentle enough but still enough to hurt my now painful arm. I let her cry it all out, and I waited for her to begin speaking again.

"I thought I'd lost you," she spoke softly, clearly being careful of my newly found headache. "I've was so scared that we'd lose you." Her voice cracked, "I'm going to get your dad, I'll be back in two seconds," she said as she quickly walked to the door, once she got their she stood there for a couple of seconds, as if to make sure I would be okay on my own then quickly walked away.

I closed my eyes in relief, and my thoughts strayed to Bella.

I needed to know where Bella was.

I opened my eyes as I heard my mum and dad's footsteps hurrying down the hallway.

At first glance my dad looked just the same as always, but as I looked closer I soon realised the differences, he was at least a couple of days past the time he should have shaved, his eyes had dark violet circles surrounding them and he looked as if he had lost some weight. When I realised just how much I had scared them, I felt horrible.

Tears brimmed in his eyes as he took in my open eyes, his eyes stared into mine for a little while, happiness clear showing, then being the doctor he was, he thankfully turned out the lights, it wasn't completely dark as there was a small window on my right hand side but it was definitely alot more bearable.

"Edward, I'm so sorry," he said and tears began to drip down his face.

"Dad, I love you, and I'm sorry for what happened between us." I began to reach out my none bandaged hand and he reached forward quickly to grasp it. "I'll make it up to you."

"Son, you have nothing to make up for, I'm just so happy you woke up."

The words "woke up" triggered something in me and I again needed to know where Bella was.

"Dad" I said quietly, trying to keep at bay the horrible ache for water in my throat, "what happened to Bella?"

Tears began to flow down my mother's face again and I feared for the worst when my Dad began to speak, talking in his doctor's voice. "You protected her from the worst of it." My mother patted my arm carefully and gave me a proud, watery smile. "When you were found, you were both unconscious and you had your arms around her. That's how you broke you arm and knee, your elbow fractured and your knee shattered on impact, we were able save you leg, and it's not short of a miracle that it's healing so well, I thought you would need a metal plate after a week. Anyway, Bella is in a coma and had a fractured skull but luckily no brain damage or blood clots that we know of, I've taken a good look at the X-rays myself and I don't think that there's any worry about brain damage, to be honest, we thought if anyone would have brain damage it would be you, your head hit the barrier with more impact, it really is a miracle that you're even alive." He smiled at me then seemed to remember something and his smile faltered, he turned to my mum for support and she took it from there.

"Edward," I noted straightaway her use of the voice she used when she told me both my dog and my great aunt Mary had died. "The taxi driver died straightaway, and the drunk driver who drove into you also died on impact."

I didn't know what to feel, I hadn't known the guy, but he had died right beside me, I closed my eyes again and let my jumbled thoughts settle.

"I feel so horrible about this, I should have just walked home or stayed at the party, and then none of this would have happened."

"Don't blame yourself Edward," my dad said almost sternly, "The drunk driver had both made and paid for his mistakes and there is no need for you to fault yourself, you saved a girl's life that night."

"Is there a good chance of her waking up?"

"Well she's been in a coma for two weeks, the same as you and the only other bone in her body which broke was her cheek bone. She had a small cut on her forehead, it was quite deep but it was dealt with very quickly, so it shouldn't make any difference. Here's to hoping that her skull heals well."

"Yes, hears to hoping."

I knew that if I told them about me hearing Bella's thoughts during my coma, they'd think I had gone crazy, so I stayed quiet about it as they brought in other doctors and nurses, all asking me questions.

When they left and mum and dad had made their calls to family letting them know I had woken up, I told my dad exactly how I felt about her.

"Dad, I think I fell in love with her."

His eyes widened in shock and then he spoke. "Emmett told us you had just met her that night, and her friends confirmed it, were you two secretly dating?" his voice had a little bit of accusation in it and I quickly set him right.

"No, it was just like, just like love at first sight."

He never laughed at me, the way most people would have, I wasn't expecting him to laugh, he and mum had always stuck to the story that the second they laid eyes on each other they knew that they were soul mates, I was still relieved to see him keep a straight face though, even I knew how corny it sounded.

"Edward, you just met her, maybe you just..."

Sadness swept through me as I realised that he wouldn't back me up on this one, I thought he would have at least tried to understand, judging by mum and his relationship. So I interrupted him, thoroughly disappointed, and told him what I wanted.

"I want to see her, as soon as I can."

I wasn't allowed to see her straight away but when I got a bit better they wheeled me into her room. Her parents surrounded her, looking just as she had described them.

Her father turned to speak to me and I held out my left hand for him to shake as my right was still in a cast, he shook it awkwardly. It looked as if he was going to say something to me and he opened his mouth as if to talk, then closed it again.

Although he was the same as Bella had described he was still different from what I had imagined, he had Bella's brown eyes, Bella's sparkled but his sparkle seemed lost in despair. He looked like a man who had been put through too much in too little time, the purple circles around his eyes were even darker than my father's when I seen him after I had just woken up.

Bella's mother walked around from the other side of the bed the picture of a broken woman. When she reached me, she did something I wouldn't have expected, and instead of shaking my hand she hugged me, carefully, so as not to hurt me, but she broke down crying all the same.

"Thankyou," she sobbed. "Thankyou for saving my daughter."

I didn't know how to answer that so I stayed quiet. When she straightened up she practically collapsed into Charlie (Bella's dad's) arms. When she calmed a little and turned to look at me, I spoke.

"Bella wanted me to tell you this," I noticed there facial expressions change to shock but I ploughed on. "She wanted you to know that she loves you."

With that, tears swam in both of their eyes and I wheeled myself over to the hospital bed.

Her face, even in unconsciousness was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, her hair still shone the way it had the night I had first met her. Her face was missing its usual sparkle, those chocolate brown eyes that I remembered so well were so obviously missing on her beautiful face, it was like seeing the world in black in white when it could oh so obviously be in colour, it was so wrong that I wanted to cry right there and then. I knew from experience that she wouldn't be able to hear me, but all the same I leaned over to her ear and whispered "I love you, Isabella."

I was discharged from the hospital 1 and ½ months after the crash. The cast on my arm had been taken off but I still had another month with one on my knee, so I kept in a wheel chair because of the type of cast which had been put on my knee. This meant I would have to stay with my parents, but it didn't look like I was going back to University this year anyway.

Meeting the rest of my family after the accident had been emotional, not as much for me but more for them. Surprisingly, meeting Emmett and Rosalie was the worst, they both felt guilty because of the jokes they had made beforehand; when Emmett walked in the door I was shocked to find him actually crying. The boy who had broken both his legs jumping of a roof and never cried was actually crying about me, and I hadn't even died.

Alice was her usual pixie like self and decided to decorate my room with flowers and banners and really anything colourful she could put her hands on, talk about following in your mother's footsteps. The only thing she didn't do was paint the place.

Jasper being my best friend and Alice's boyfriend, was quite stuck as whether to calm her down as she was making my room a nightmare, or too let her be, in the end he chose to let her be, thinking it was harmless. I would have hit him for that but I wasn't the best at getting a good shot in a wheelchair.

My heart ached for the Bella that I had hardly even spoken to, months passed by and I was able to visit Bella at least every second day, that was until the 6th month after the accident.

When I got to the familiar room with a new bunch of flowers and a little teddy bear for the end of the bed I was faced by her father.

He sat me down once I'd put the flowers in water and sat the teddy at the end of her bed.

"Why are you still coming here?" he asked.

I was quite taken aback at the question but I answered all the same. "Because I believe she will get better."

"Don't." He said plainly.

The words shocked me, he was her father, and how could he say that?

"I can believe because I am her father, I can hope because I'm her father but you are a young man who is wasting his life on a girl he hardly even knows and you need to let her go."

"I can't."I spluttered, I needed her, the hope in me was dwindling, but I was willing to wait, I needed that girl.

"You must, because she's my daughter and I've told you to stop coming here." his voice sounded harsh but I could see something in his eyes, it looked like some sort of understanding.

"Can I at least say goodbye?"

"Go ahead," he said giving ma a curt nod.

I walked over to the girl I loved and looked at her for the last time, I stood there for a long time, just reliving memories slowly and painfully. I was surprised Charlie never told me to go, but let me be, when I realised I was pushing it too far, I gently kissed her on the forehead and whispered once again, into her ear, just like I had done for the past 6 months. "I love you, Isabella."

My heart was wrenched from my body as I left the hospital, I felt like I was in a sort of trance the whole way home. I needed her, and yet I no longer had what was keeping me floating, I no longer even had the chance to see her, I wasn't allowed to hope. I opened the door to my newly rented apartment and then closed it.

I collapsed to the floor and let it all out.


	3. 3yrs of pain

***A.N – sorry if it's a bit short, I just didn't want to ramble to much.  
Anyways, if you like or dislike leave a review, If you love or hate leave a review.  
Please review and tell me your thoughts and ideas.  
Beckaa x***

_Her hair rippled in the wind, her hand reached out to me and I tried to grasp it, I pushed every single one of my fingers forward with all of my might, but I couldn't reach her, her closed eyes snapped open and I became entranced by her beauty, when she turned her body to face me, all I wanted was to do was hold her, but I couldn't reach her, her lips puckered, and tears began to form in the corners of her eyes, she shouted my name, over and over, I tried to shout back, begging her to wait for me, but I couldn't speak, and then as suddenly as she had appeared she turned her head, then her arm was pulled back to her body, her hands closing into fists, her whole body turned from me, and began to walk away, then run, and then she was gone_.

I was finally able to scream her name, and I suddenly realised that I was in my bare bed, the covers were sprawled across my bedroom floor, and just as I turned my groggy head towards my alarm clock, it began to beep, my hand smacked down on top of it, quickly turning it off. The digital numbers were still jumbled and I waited for my eyes to focus to read the numbers, it was 7:30, if I wanted to get to my parents **before **Alice found me I would have to get up now, and I just couldn't stand another one of her , "let's dress up Edward games", so I staggered into the bathroom, brushing my teeth, shaving, showering and covering the purple rings which had encircled my eyes for the last 3 years with concealer, my deepest darkest secret was the ownage of that particular item, so when I was finished with it, I carefully stashed it back into an unused pipe.

Finshing towel drying my hair, I stuck on an old record, in my multi use, old fashioned stereo.  
The second the music started, I sighed in relief, hearing Debussy's masterpeices was the only thing which was really able to calm my nerves after a night full on twisting and turning and running after the woman I loved.

In the three years since I was unable to see her, I not escaped one night without these agonising nightmares. It was always the same, her name wouldn't ever escape my lips until I had woken up. I would never feel her touch, I could never hold her in my arms.

When I had been first told that I couldn't see her, I had kept in the apartment for weeks, leaving only to pick up some food from the shop around the corner, it seemed for a while that my only comfort was in reliving the moment when I had her in my arms, yet that moment was also painful as that was the moment when I really lost her. For about a year I was so confused as to what to do, how to handle it and then I began to hear her voice when I dreamed about her, the nightmares were just as painful as before, but at least when I woke up I could remember that voice, so now I have a little routine worked out it goes something like this:

Wake up shouting.

Have a shower and play her voice over and over in my mind.

Cover the circles around my eyes.

Play Claude Debussy, Reverie and Clair de lune to calm me.

And then get on with the rest of the day.

Even I admit that it's completely sad and stupid that I do that everyday, but it's how I get through life without her.

Even thinking her name was becoming to much while I was awake. I had hardly even known her, yet my whole heart was given to her the day I first met her, I would have taken it back if I could, I mean, why should I live life like this, I don't think I'll ever be able to love again and I'm only twenty four years old, but the whole giving your heart away was completely involuntary, she stole it really. Somehow, I can never hold it against her, it clearly wasn't her fault she took my heart, and now nothing will ever stop me from missing her every second of the day.

I have such a sad, monotonous life and I admit it, sometimes music would break the barrier between me and the world, but only now and again, that's how I chose to teach music, I couldn't stick university into my "timetable", I couldn't do it again knowing that I would have to do something that no matter how many people I saved, wouldn't save her, effectively stopping my medical career in its tracks, so I started tutoring kids in music , teaching music in my own home, then I was approached by a junior highschool and I soon had 4 hours a day training young musicians, and getting highly paid for it too.

I think everyone around me believes me to be happy and single, it's true, I would rather stay single, but I'm not happy and haven't been for a long time. The show I put on for my family is a thing that I somethimes enjoy and somtimes hate, I enjoy joking around with them, watching movies with them on movie nights, but I hate being so cut of from them, knowing that whatever they think I'm feeling they're wrong, knowing that they're never truly in tune with me.

I've be cut of from the world so long now that it's just my little schedule, my own feelings only ever reveal themselves early in the morning when I'm waking up screaming, or late at night when I lay awake for hours.

She is the cause of this, but it was never her fault.

I pulled on a good pair of jeans for Alice's sake, a black v-neck and a green hoodie which Alice had picked out for me, I wonder sometimes why I give into her pleads to buy most of my clothes and then I realised that if I bought my own clothes, I'd have one pair of jeans, one pair of shoes, one top, and the only thing I 'd have more than one pair of is boxers, and that's only because they're easier to buy in packs.

I grabbed a banana and quickly munched it as I got the elevator down to my car, I hopped into my swift silver volvo and started the engine, I drive at least ten mph higher than the speed limit so I reached 90 quickly and sprinted off towards my parents house.

When I arrived everyone was sitting in the kitchen munching down Breakfast, by everyone I mean my parents, Alice & Jasper, Emmett & Rosalie and my cousin Tanya.

A chorus of happy birthday erupted from the kitchen table and I inwardly groaned at the fuss they had made, a huge cake with a picture of my face printed on it sat on the kitchen counter.

"You didn't have to do this," I muttered when they'd finished singing.

"Nonsense, darling, and anyway, we couldn't stop Alice another year. I'm sorry to inform you that you will be having a party tonight," my mother giggled as Alice's face spread into a mischevious grin.

"Edward," she moaned as I began to protest. "You've used countless excuses for the past 5 years and I'm not letting you get away with it again, everyone backed me up this year, they've all helped."

They all winced in turn as I turned my futile glance onto them.

"I don't see how you get any enjoyment out of making my life a misery."

"Oh cheer up, Alice has some hot girls coming to your party, so you can't really complain." Emmett laughed, little did he know that was just another reason to try to get out of it.

"I just don't see why you bother."

Alice's bottom lip began to tremble as her smile fell from her face, "I'm sorry Edward, I was just trying to do somthing nice for your birthday, and you've not had the best of times lately, so I thought this would cheer you up."

I could feel the water works coming so I backed down. "Fine, you can throw me a party." I huffed.

Her face sprang into a smile and she began to give me the details.

The door bell rang loudly and Alice jumped from her seat, almost squealing into the kitchen, "That's the guests arriving, we'll need to lay out the buffet soon." As she walked by me she grabbed my hand and pulled me along the hallway, she had surprising strength... for a pixie.

As the guests began to pile into the large living room, I decided to go and speak to my dad, our relationship was on very good grounds, and had been ever since the accident, I was making my way up to his room when he walked downstairs.

"I can't believe you allowed this torture to commence," I joked, while asking the question I was quite serious about.

"Actually, I saved you from the worst part, she was going to set you up on a date with one of the girls from her class at University, I stopped her at that, I reeled her into only her roommate and her roommates partner, I didn't think you'd want a date forced in your face, especially by Alice."

"Okay, fair enough, thanks."

"No bother son, " he brushed of the compliment and then redirected me back into the our living room, now sporting a disco ball and blaring with new music.

I decided to go over to Alice and thank her for the party, she really was trying to make my life better, I had a sneaking suspicion that she realised I wasn't completely right. My eyes scanned the room for the tiny form of my sister, she shouted my name from somewhere behind me, I scanned the group of people behin me for my sister – Emmett, Rosalie, Tanya, Jasper –

It couldn't be.

My eyes searched the back of her head down to her toes, I would know that person anywhere.

I saw her everynight.

Her hair was a deep mahogany. Her head tilted backwards slightly, laughing at one of Emmett's outbursts.

My knees began to buckle, "Bella..." I whispered as my vision blurred, pure agony ripped through my body when the name escaped my lips, I couldn't hope, I couldn't go throught that again, my eyes were slipping closed and my legs were failing me, I saw Alice's happy face change to shock as my body began to fall to the floor.

When I opened my eyes again it was to see my sister with her back to me having a discussion with Jasper, the music was now muffled and I realised I was in my own bedroom.

I began to think up excuses for my embarrasing hallucination when I caught a pair of eyes with mine, my whole body jumped with shock, the feelings that surged through my body were so strong, blissfulness swept through me, my hand reached out to her, my head rolling with dizzyness at sitting up so quick, my eyes stayed locked with hers, the chocolate brown irises better than I had ever been able to imagine or remember them, her eyes betrayed her shock as she leaned forward, her fingertips brushed mine and the electric pulse which had first led me to her hit. Contentment filled every single bone in my body.

"Edward?"


	4. Confusion & heartbreak

***A.N – Okay guys, sorry if it's a bit to short for your liking – I just don't know what elso to put in it – had a bit of writers block in the mid section – Remember to review please x x x =D***

" _B e l l a ?" _

"_Do I know you from somewhere? Your face, it's so familiar."_

"_Bella, it's me, how can you not remember me?"_

"_I don't know what you're talking about, have we met before?"_

"_The accident, I'm the boy from the accident."_

"_You're that guy?" she gasped, " The one my dad told me about."_

"_I thought you'd remember me, I thought we had something."_

"_I forgot everything before the accident, I have amnesia, my brain's damaged."_

"_What?"_

"_I don't remember any of it, __nothing__."_

The others had gawked at us up until this point and I wouldn't even have taken any notice of them if a guy hadn't stepped out of the corner, wrapping his arm around Bella, **my **Bella.

A creature growled from deep within me, willing me to strike, willing me to stop him from touching her, _she's mine, _it growled. I held it back, controlling my facial expression, for all this time I've missed her, I've always imagined her jumping into my arms, shouting my name, loving me straight away, but to see her with another man's arm around her it hurt, it hurt so much it felt that my heart which had finally began to heal the second I had her touch was now ripping open it's old wounds.

Now I began to look around the room, I noticed that most of my family had packed themselves around me, my siblings and their partners, my parents and Tanya, and when I looked to Bella and the guy with his arm wrapped around her, I took in his appearance, it was hard to keep resisting looking at her my eyes stealing a quick glance while I was giving the huge guy a look over, his skin was russet coloured, his frame broad and long, maybe about 6ft6, 6ft7, taller than my 6ft2 anyway.

"Bella, you don't need to talk about it, it's okay, don't get upset,"

Her body turned into him her head leaning against his vast chest, his arms encircled her entire abdomen, and he pulled her into him, "its okay baby, we'll sort this out." He hushed her and the monster growled louder, he was touching my girl and I couldn't take it.

"Who are you?" I growled, unable to control the anger in my voice.

"I'm her fiance," he spat back.

My eyes switched to Bella's, silently begging her to tell me he was lying, her eyes hollowed a little, a sadness passing through them, but with this new revelation, seeing sadness at hurting me was probably just wistful thinking.

"Uhm, this is Jacob, Jake," she unattatched herself from him and balled her hands up in little fists, it seemed so unBella like even though I hadn't had anytime at all to know her, it just didn't seem like something she'd do.

**BPOV**

My eyes were still locked inside his, unable to budge, I'd seen his face so many times, in my dreams, one of the only things I could remember before the crash, even now I could feel the strange magnetic pull he seemed to have on me, I wanted to go closer, I was just about to take a step closer when Jacob's hand clamped down on my shoulder, perotective and clearly trying to shake me out of my little trance, I didn't want to leave his gaze, I wanted the emerald green eyes to fill my mind always, Jacob had been getting closer to my heart everyday, but something had still been wrong, although I was working towards it, after a year I still had not managed the three simple words; I could say them more than once with this familiar man, I was already so deeeply and passionately in love with him in my head that I could shout it to the heavens, but Jake, I relaxed at his touch and turned inwards, automatically for him...

"Who are you?" Edward seemed volatile, even hurt, my heart began ripping in shreads as Jacob answered, knowing that he wouldn't take any interest once he knew I was engaged.

"I'm her fiance." He almost spat the words at him and my shoulders sagged, pain coming from my very chest as his eyes flicked to mine, confusion, then pained realisation, I wanted to reach out to him, to take his hand in mine and tell him that I loved him, that I wished we could be together, I knew the story of his determanation that I would wake, Jake had accidentally let something slip about my secret admirer and when I had asked my dad just two months ago he had told me that he came to see me almost everyday, always sure I would awaken, and he had told him to go.

I couldn't take it anymore, the green eyes hazed a little with emotion and I collapsed into Jake, tears pouring from my closed eyes, I was so confused, I didn't even know where these feelings were coming from, yet they kept coming, I had felt the electricity between us, it was unlike anything I had ever felt with anyone before, the tears kept coming and I couldn't move for the sobs wracking through me, I looked up to see Jacob's intense dark eyes bearing down at me, his lips moving, I couldn't understand what he was saying, the agony of the moment was breaking me, I couldn't understand what was going on, I hardly knew him, he hardly knew me, but there was a connection and it was extremely strong.

I pulled his arm from over my head and stood upright, balling my hands into fists, the only way I could stop the tears, I bit my lip, holding back tears and spoke. "I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble, Jacob and I will just be leaving, I'm sorry." I lowered my head to the ground, petrified off his angel face and eyes, if they found me, I would be unable to stop myself from hurting Jake.

"Bella, no, don't leave, I've just found you again, I can't..." I grasped Jakes hand and yanked him out of the room, effectively protecting him from my emotions for the man back there, my heart was wrenched from me at the door and left with the perfect man, my insides sobbed as my outside protected my best friend from me.

**EPOV**

She pulled at her _fiance _and stormed from the room, effectively breaking all parts of my heart which had been unbroken or mending.

She didn't love me after all.

She didn't even remember who I was.

She had a fiance.

She'd left with him and not me.

Now it'd be even harder to return to a normal life.

All of those things I knew for sure and now as I fell, back onto the bed, I realised the pairs of eyes bearing down at me. First thing first, why wasn't I told this was the Bella of my dreams (literally).

"Mum, Dad, why didn't you warn me?"

"We couldn't son, we hadn't even met her before, well since the hospital."

"But why didn't you tell me she'd woken up."

"She was moved hospital after a year and I thought it better not to remind you of her," What a total and complete misjudgement.

"I can't believe that's the Bella we all thought was dead." Emmett interupted, quite amazed.

"Well it is." I snapped, this was no time for Emmetts slowness, he has Rosalie, I don't have Bella.

"Dude, no need to be so nasty about it, you hardly even know..."

SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! I've been lost with out her for so long and now I've found her again I'm not going to give up, she felt something before and if I need to recover her memory I will, but don't doubt for a second that I'm in love with that girl." Silence followed my outburst and I stood up to leave my overcrowded bedroom.

"Sit down." Alice hissed, quite unlike her usual self. I kept on walking and she sprang to the door, planting her surprisingly strong hand across my chest.

"Edward, she doesn't really love Jacob, she's never once been so entranced with him as she was with you just their, infact, she's been talking to me about how it wasn't working, you have a good chance, as long as you work this out rationally,"

I slowly seated myself on top of the bed, running through what had just happend and placing my head in my hands.

"Alice, I can't lose her again, I don't know if I can take it, before it was the accidents fault, now I''m just not the one she wants, I can't bear it."

"Out!" Alice barked at everyone, the special connection I had had with my little sister, was clearly still intact, even though it had been misused for the past few years.

After a minute or two of mumbling and the closing of the door, I felt the bed press down beside me, and a light hand placed gently on top of my shoulder.

"I know you're the one she wants, I just know it." I knew how good Alice's hunches were, but I couldn't be sure if she was just trying to make me feel better.

"Alice, you son't understand, I haven't been able to breathe without her, the first time I saw her face, I was in heaven, when I left her hell, I don't know how I can live knowing she chose _him_ instead of me."

"And you won't have to, you just need to win her back, I saw the connection between you two, you can't end up with anyone but eachother, Bella knows its wrong with Jacob, he was just there for her when she woke up."

My whole body tensed as she told me of his timely arrival back to forks just as Bella woke up and came home, it should have been me.

**BPOV**

We drove home in silence, except from a couple of prompting questions from Jake, after recieving small halfhearted responses he gave up trying to talk to me.

I leaned my sweltering head against the pane of glass , the headache I had gotten at times of stress ever since waking up was in play and was thumping through me, my thoughts confused me so much, this man I'd seen in my dreams I had never connected to be the same guy who had saved me, I had just thought it must have been a crush from before the accident, or just maybe a figment of my imagination, tonight had been a shock, and an excrutiating reunion, the coolness on my forehead was becoming colder, uncomfortable, I inched myself further away from Jacob, I didn't deserve either of them, but Jacob had been there for me, even when I couldn't say that I felt the same, he had loved me unconditionally, he had been a true link with my past, being an apparent long term ex-boyfriend of mine, he had been the one to urge me to start university again, how ironic that that could be the thing which leads to my unhappiness with him, Alice had only been my roommate for a week and I had accepted her invitation to her brothers party because I genuinly did enjoy her company, never did I realise what accepting the invitation would mean, I still hadn't decided whether remeeting Edward was a good thing, before this reconciliation he had been mine, my own little fantasty if you could call it that, and now he was his own person, I couldn't understand whether I liked that or not, my jumbled mind just span in circles, repeating everything for the next 10 minutes until we finally drew up to our minescule flat, not that I minded the size.

Jake attempted a few comments, trying to joke of tonights enormity, I tried my best to laugh, but anything which escaped my lips sounded forced even to me and would never have fooled observant Jacob.

I informed Jacob that I would be sleeping on the couch (due to a made up cold) I ran to the bathroom and locked the door, I switched on the shower, turning the knob to almost full heat. As I stood underneath the piping hot water, I realised how perplexing my life had just became, in just a few short hours.

Edward – I love this man with every inch of my heart and soul, I dont know how it happend, but I know it did. I can't work out why, but I'm drawn to him.

Jacob – I love this man, just not the way I love Edward. He has been there for me when I needed him most, he was willing to marry and provide for me, he's a sweet adorable guy, and so easy to talk to – this could be the same with Edward, but I had no chance to check that.

What do I do?

Edward or Jacob?

***A.N – Whatcha think????? REVIEW X***


	5. EdwardBella JacobBella?

***A.N – there you go – you fifth chapter – enjoy and a huge thanks to everyone who has reviewed.***

**EPOV**

"No, please, listen to me, I'm in love with you, you need to come back," she ran from me still, no hesitation whatsoever, the only difference from her usual assention was that she now had a large figure in tow, following her, she held out her hand to him, and he grasped it, the two of them running from me faster, "PLEASE!" Tears streamed down my cheeks as I fell to the ground, my Bella would never want me, she would always want him, and if it wasn't him, it would be someone else, the love I felt for her now so fully controlled me I didn't know how I would ever get up again, it was like the weight of the world was pressing me down, pulling and tearing at my broken heart, everyone taking their own chunk and ripping it into smaller peices, I was destroyed, my life I had tried to built up was disappearing, my routine I had stuck to for three years was crumbling, and as I woke from my nightmare I realised that the pain I had felt just seconds before in the dream was still ongoing, I wanted to curl up in a ball and starve to death, I didn't want to move as the pain in my chest only intesified in my waking mind.

I would have given in to the deep longing for death long ago if it was not for my family, for the second time they were saving me, Alice's words would not go unheaded, I would try for her, as hopeless as it felt I would put all my effort into making her love me, knowing she was living and breathing as close as 10 minutes away, in the same room as my sister, made me get out of bed, everything I do from now on will be for her, she will always be the girl of my dreams otherwise, and that would never, ever be a good thing, the magnetic pull which was instructing me to make a visit to my sister was only becoming stronger, I dressed in the same trance I had felt that day in the hospital, being a Saturday morning, I had no pupils and Bella shouldn't have classes.

Bella.

Even thinking the name was painful, how did live without her the past three years, her eyes, her smile, her scent. Everything so perfect in its beauty she had to be some sort of magical creature.

I flipped open my cell pushed 3 on speed dial, connecting me straight to Alice's phone.

"Hello?"

"Alice, it's me, can I come see you," I paused noticing how mean it would sound, "and see Bella?"

"Ehmm," her voice was instantly sorry and I knew I would not see Bella today, "She stayed at their flat last night,"

"By "their's" do you mean Jacob and Bella's"

"Yes,"

The anger and jealousy boiled up on me just like I knew it would.

"Bye Alice."

**BPOV**

My dreams distressed me so extremely, and it shocked me, the eyes so perfect, were now the ones walking me up the ailse, green jems of perfection, a smile whichs crookedness only made it better, hair whichs unruliness only made it sexier.

It wasn't Jacob and I's wedding I was dreaming of, It was his, the other competitor for my love.

I have no understanding as to how two handsome, brilliant men paid me so much attention, couldn't it just be one of them,and surprisnig my own mind, I found the Edward/Bella wedding much more attractive than the Jacob/Bella wedding.

No Bella, you've just met him. Well technically I've knew him for years, I just didn't know I knew him.

"Bells, are you awake yet?" said a groggy Jacob.

"Mhmm, I'll just go get started on breakfast honey," I spoke with every ounce of loving I could muster, Jake was so sweet, almost everything he does is for me, hell, he took on an extra job to pay for our wedding.

"Thanks, Bells, I love you,"

I quickly evacuated the room, usually I would just agree with him at this point, say something like ditto, which when you actually thought about it meant i loved mself too, it's one sad thing to do, and I felt like a traitor to still be doing it, so I just never answered, I reached the fridge in no time as our boxed in apartment made it only about three metres from the bedroom door.

I began making his favourite, chocolate chip pancakes. "MMMMMMMM! I think my fiance is too good to me, is that really chocolate chip pancakes, if it is, I owe her, maybe she deserves a couple of kisses," he joked.

He entered the kitchen in only his boxers, his muscles flexing as he yawned, his russett skin smooth and sexy, I did really like him as a partner, I always thought love would come later, maybe not...

I set out the panckes then took his head in my hands, trying to find the love for him, my lips brushed his, then came back again starting a warm sensual kiss, I liked it, he begged permission to deepen the kiss and I allowed, trying with all I could to feel what I was looking for, I wrapped one of my hands in his hair, the other down the back of his boxers, touching feeling, trying and trying.

It was good, I liked it, but there was no spark, no huge "oh there it is" **nothing**.

I broke the kiss, taking my hands back, I giggled a little at my red faced embarassment, "I'm going to wash me hands then I'm going out with Alice today," let's hope she's in 'cause I don't have any plans!

When I reached the University I scanned the parking lot, Alice's rich parents had been begged to get her the canary yellow race car for her last birthday, she wasn't stuck up ot anything, she just liked her speed, oh, there it is, you can't exactly miss it.

There was still a chance she would be out with Jasper, but since it was still 9:30 and Jasper wasn't intune with Alice's early wake up time, there was still a good chance she would be in our room, finding what she should wear.

"Alice!" I called as I entered the room.

"Bella." She gushed, she seemed ecstatic to see me, she gave me a huge hug, her pixie mannerisms taking over and she lithely stepped around the room almost dancing to Rihanna's newest song.

"Alice, sorry to ask you this,butis there any chance I could have your brotheres address, "I began to ramble quickly after that, finding reasons for my want, "It's just, I know he wanted to see me and I'd kind of like to discuss the accident now, I don't know why I freaked last night, but I feel really bad now, is there any chance you would-"

She held out her hand to quiet me, and I shut my fast moving mouth. "It's okay, I'm sure he wouldn't mind," she said it woth such a mischevious smile on her lips, I began to back track a little.

"Well maybe you should give him a call first and ask him if he thinks it's okay."

"No, I'm sure he would like the surprise, he's an early bird like me,. So he's probabaly wide awake and dressed by now.

"Oh, okay then, uhm, thanks Alice,"

"No problem," she mumbled with the pen in her mouth, looking fora scrap peice of paper around our cluttered room.

Once she had it, she handed it over with some sort of triumph, I was there in only ten minutes, it was so weird how of all the times I had been to the local stores I had never once ran into him, it had to be a big party that would tip us both over the edge, wait, this couldn't be it.

This was exactly the same place I had driven up to just 6 months ago, on the grounds that I believed he was a piano tutor, he wasn't in, so I left my number with a neighbour and had never recieved an answer, I remembered the address now.

How completely, infuriatingly painful.

When I got to the sleek white door, I knocked on it, I heard some shuffling and the door was opened a crack.

"_Bella_?"

**EPOV**

I wasn't gettin this morning, I was having a day in doors, I couldn't face the world in the agonising state I was in, then someone knocked on the door, I assumed it would be Alice, so I pulled on a pair of comfortable pajama bottoms, ready to push her away from me, lock her out like I had everyday for three years up until last night.

I decided to open the door a small amount and tell her to stay away.

What I saw there was perfection, "Bella?" My heart was taking it's chances and pulling itself together, already I felt a million times better.

"Uhm, sorry," she said after a short pause, "I was wondering whether you wanted to, discuss things? But if you're busy or anything I can come back another time,"

"NO, no, it's fine," I opened the door fully amazed that she actually thought I could turn a godess away from the door, it's called failing self control.

I led her to the sofa, thank god I had cleaned the day before yesterday, not having been in till late yesterday, everything was still pristine. "I'll be back in a second, I'm just going to pull on some clothes."

How did she have my address?

I love Alice.

**BPOV**

He opened the door to reveal his perfect body, every muscle in his stomach was in the perfect place, he was wearing khaki pajama bottoms , and his hair looked worse yet sexier than usual, my heart warmed to the vision, and I found myself again comparing him to Jacob, him always winning the battle.

He showed me to his living room, and led me to his sofa, it was a beige and deep brown mix, stylish in a way I had come to expect from Alice's furniture, it must run in the family. He went to get changed and was back in under two minutes, I opened my bag and handed him the tub of chocolate pancakes I had taken with me.

"Mmmmm, I love these, you just need a little icecream on top," his velvety voice ran through me, spreading the good news of my first love. He was reeling me in, whether he meant it or not, he was working my heart overtime everytime he moved.

"I like them that way too, but Ja-" I realised my mistake as his emeralds lost there sparkle, his face stayed expressionless, he was so confusing. I could usually read Jacob like a book, but the mysterious Edward was much harder.

"Do you want me to heat some up for you too? He said turning his back from me and walking into the open planned kitchen.

"No thanks, I already ate."

When the pancakes were heated and he had spooned some vanilla ice cream on top of them, he took the plate to a small dining table in the corner of the kitchen, I joined him, and marvoulled at his face up close, his lips looked so soft, so perfect...

Snap out of it, you have a fiance.

"So, what are you at university for?"

"Well, I'm doing some writing, so I took litreture and a couple of other modules which linked to English, surprisingly, I like exery single one of him," talking to him was so natural, "What do you do?"

"I teach piano in schools, I used to tutor but I don't anymore, I prefer teaching music classes, more kids get something out of it."

So he was a piano tutor, I decided to go for it, "I came here once looking for lessons, "at that his eyes snapped completely open, and I saw in them some sort of longing, "I left my number with a neighbour, but I never got a call,"

"Wait there." He jumped from the table a grabbed an adress book from the living room coffee table, he flipped through it until he found what he wanted and came back to me quickly, "look, I tried the number but the end of it was faded out from rain or something, is that part of your number?"

"Yeah, that's it, and come to think of it, it was raining that day, I got soaked right up to my knees and was ill for a week after it."

"I can't believe we missed eachother."

He took the words right out of my mouth.

***A.N – I need you guys to make a choice – do get over done with passion and go for a heavy makeout session in the next chapter, or does Bella get called away and leve Edward longing for her another chapter – your choice – REVIEW***


	6. Inward Struggle

***A.N – Hope you guys like it && I sincerely hope you review cause it makes my day ;) thanks alot x***

**EPOV**

"What happened, I mean, I don't remember what happened with us before the accident, it's always been a bit of a mystery," she spoke with unnerving softness yet I was still so comfortable in her presence, being with her again was brining me back to life.

"We met at a party, you already know that part though and well, we kissed, a few times," I definitely had not expected to have to relive my most savoured moments of passion with her, it was so... wrong to have to retell her things she should remember clearly, I certainly did, "you invited me back to your room," her eyes widened then she closed them, as if to concentrate.

**BPOV **

"I called a cab and when it got there we both got in the back, and began to kiss again...

_Blurred Flashback_

_Volts of electricity were shocking me, something residing on my back was causing this, hot breath was covering my face, smelling so sweet and sexy, it stimulated every cell in my body voltaic feelings pulled through me, and then I saw what I was looking for, green gems of perfection bore into me, connecting my whole soul to his, everything I had was given to him in that instant, his lips were on mine and I think his tongue too, all I could see were those emeralds._

_Suddenly I was screaming, I couldn't remember why, all I felt was him, his electric shocking arms snaking around me and making me feel safe, I cried out, and he hugged me harder._

_I was in love._

_Then blackness._

_End Blurred Flashback_

**EPOV**

"I called a cab and when it got there we both got in the back, and began to kiss again, soon-" I stopped speaking as soon as she began to tremble, her whole body looked as if it was having shocks, "Bella, BELLA!" Her shakes became more violent and I ran to her my unfinished doctor trading kicking in, she fell backwards and I caught her in my arms, sparks coming from her very touch, I put it out of my mind as I lifted her bride style to place her on the couch, just as I reached it, her trembles abruptly stopped, and her eyes snapped open.

"Edward."

"Bella, are you okay? You just passed out shaking, is it normal, do you take any medication?"

**BPOV**

I did what? Then I realised where I was and the warm tingly sensation I was feeling was due to his arms surrounding my body, I could so easily reach for his lips and kiss, but I don't even know him.

Just one kiss, it couldn't hurt.

Yes it will, it'll hurt your **Fiancé.**

What do I do, I need to get out of here before I get to close, just one kiss...

"Bella?" Can you hear me?"

My head bounced upwards, smacking his lips against mine, he moaned and his body collapsed into the convenient couch. The feeling was pure euphoria, every pain I had was quickly disappearing, I love this man, I love him...

NO, I have someone who I actually know waiting to marry me in two months time.

I extended my arms and pushed his lips from mine. I squirmed in his arms, needing to move before I was tempted again.

I couldn't meet his eyes as he gently put me down.

I needed to run from him, he was very quickly disintegrating all thoughts of happiness with Jacob that my mind still held, I grabbed my Jacket, apologizing profusely as I strayed from his outstretched arm, I couldn't let him touch me, it would be too off putting, I needed him to leave me.

"Goodbye Edward," I whispered as I left his home.

Soon I was jumping into my car, not looking back at the expensive flat that he lived in. Everything except my mind wanted me to retrace my steps so thoroughly that I would have to go back to him, I now knew I could never love Jacob the way I loved Edward, too much of my heart I had already handed to him, no matter if I did come to love Jacob, he would never beat Edward, so I started the car, doing the thing I believed to be right.

When I arrived in our tiny apartment I had to use my key, I had fully expected to find Jacob lounging on our couch watching TV, or maybe even crawled back under the bed covers, but he wasn't anywhere to be seen, it was still only eleven o'clock and Jacob hated to leave the house before noon on a weekend, I could never tell him off for his lazy ways as he worked 45 hours a week just to keep us a float, while I studied in University. I had it easy compared to what he went through for me.

His sweetness only reinforced the reasons why I should stick with reliable Jacob instead of mysterious Edward, I didn't even know the guy, how could I dump my fiancé who had supported me for three years and had been my boyfriend for before that, for a guy that stole my heart in only a few meetings, it's so stupid to even think that I should indulge in such a luxury, everything about him was better than me, he clearly had girls lining up to date him. He liked me now, but what would happen when he found a prettier girl than me? Not that I thought I deserved Jake, but Edward was in a whole different world from Jacob, Jacob had stuck by me through so much that I trusted he would never abandon me, someone so beautiful as Edward would be a never ending chick magnet, I couldn't be the only girl he's ever looked at.

"Owwwww," I wailed as I tripped over Jacob's discarded jeans from last night, that guy was one messy pup. I pulled myself up, dusted myself down and made a beeline for the filing cabinet. Although I kept most of my clothes and my laptop usually in my room at Uni, I still kept letter's bank reference's etc. In my cosy little home. Flipping through the top drawer, I noticed the newspaper clipping from the accident I had been given to try and jumpstart my memory, I lay it down beside me and continued my search, I found my medical records and placed them beside the article, then I found the last thing I was looking for, the physiological booklet I had received after the accident, given to me so I could work through it, trying all the methods in it to find my old self, I hated to admit it, but I hadn't had much time for it, after about three months I had just went with the fact that although I could remember thing like my education (e.g. Maths, English, French) I would never remember the people who had really brung me up, my parents had tried every way they could possibly think of to bring me back, and by the time I had been given the booklet, I was at the stage of – IT IS IMPOSSIBLE.

Now it's time to give it another try, although I was choosing to stay with Jacob, memories of forbidden Edward were an irresistible thought; the first method was a surprising one, Rosemary apparently helps memory loss.

In just twenty five rushed minutes I had been to the natural essences shop which was situated just 10 minutes away (in the opposite direction of **his** house) I read over the bullet point instructions of how to make a rosemary tea, rosemary scented bath water and a potato dish which would also work.

I chose to start with the tea, it was incredibly complicated for tea, even for me who liked to cook I was really regretting choosing to make the tea when I took a sip and all regret slipped from mind, it was gorgeously refreshing and absolutely delicious. That would be something to keep trying, it said in the booklet that one or two cups a day should help my mind, well couldn't it just give me like a week or something and give me my memory back?

Patience certainly is a virtue and not one I contain either.

Second were foods which contained phosphorus that meant things like apples, walnuts, grapes oranges, dates, almonds and figs were now on my shopping list.

About an hour later I was back from the supermarket and had everything I needed to make a good phosphorus full fruit salad – with nuts. It was becoming an obsession, although I had wanted my memory back before, I had never held such a need for it.

I was just laying out a bowl of it when Jacob bounded through the door, laughing with Leah and Sam about some sort of bet.

"I told you Paul would cave, after I said I'd tell Rachel on him, he could never get one."

"I'm still shocked Bella let you get one." Sam said. Jacob's eyes bulged a little as if to tell Sam something, what was he hiding?

"Let you get what?"

"Well, Leah said Sam could get one, and he bet that Paul would get one and I wouldn't so I got one.

"Got what?" I had a sneaking suspicion about what this particular bet was over.

"Well, babe, you can't actually give me into trouble, Leah let-"

I cut him off, my eyebrows raised, "What is it?"

"It's a, uhm, a tattoo." He mumbled the last bit but I understood.

"JACOB BLACK! We had this discussion last week and I warned you, not to get a TATTOO!" my voice had slowly built as I walked forward so I was staring directly up at his face and shouting the last word into it, he winced as I narrowed my eyes onto his.

"Sorry." He squeaked, his face was apologetic, but a small, hopeful smile was tugging at his lips, "I bought you these with the money I won from the bet," He handed me a bouquet of peach roses, ones which would match our squashed bedroom, my anger melted, he was so sweet, this was why I couldn't give him up.

I tried and failed to look angry as curiosity made me ask the question, "What did you get?" he grinned fully and pulled up his sleeve showing a russet coloured wolf, howling.

***A.N – Review please x***


	7. Temptation

***AN – You guyssss!**

**Edward: I am breaking my heart out for you guys!**

**Bella: And I'm trying to chose between two people that I love.**

**Both: You dont even review (both shake heads and look sad)**

**Lol guys – funny?***

**EPOV**

One whole week since that second first kiss, the pain I felt would now have to be blocked from mind; I was surprised by how quickly I came to the conclusion, shocked by my minds rationality in a time of such inward struggle.

It was time to block everything out again and become dead man. Every wall I had let drop for those eight days must be rebuilt quickly and a daily routine followed once again, I had moped around the house, calling in sick to work and pretending to my all too suspicious family that I just had a nasty stomach bug. I did have an illness and it was the cheesiest illness ever, I was lovesick.

Last night, I had taken a good look at myself and realised I was always going to be a hollow, sad person on the inside for a long time, maybe even the rest of my life; all I could do is change my outside. So I woke up from my nightmare as usual, showered and what not then grabbed a good pair of jeans and a white "v" neck, ready to face the world again.

My heart pounded as I exited my flat, driving to the nearest starbucks, ready to act like a normal 24 year old care free guy. I decided to go for the espresso as last night's sleep was not enough when nightmares were making me toss and turn, tiring out my body.

"Edward!" she exclaimed, her soft strawberry blonde hair bouncing as she jumped up little to hug me, "how've you been, I heard you were ill, it's a shame it ruined your party." Her sweet face was sympathetic; I forgot how much I really like to talk to Tanya, not in a romantic way, just as a friend.

"Yeah, I was in bed all week, finally got out of the house though," I smiled, even though my insides were tightening at the very thought. "Alice called me and said her and some friends," Bella, Bella, Bella. "Were going to a club tonight, I told her no because I didn't have a date, but you don't think you'd come along, just as a friend you know."

She seemed extremely happy to accompany me, and I was happy that I now had a reason to attend my sisters friendly gathering, ready to torture myself with the her, all I could do was to be near her, no matter the pain it caused me.

Temptation too strong.

I told Tanya that I'd pick her up at eight and was there exactly on time, "Hey cuz," she breathed as she almost fell onto my car in her hurry.

"Why are you in such a hurry?"

"Well I know how Alice is a stickler for time and I'd rather you didn't have to tell her it was my fault we were late,"

"Wouldn't have mattered anyway, I drive like a maniac, or so I've been told." I was still marvelling that I could talk to her with such ease, she had nothing on _her_ but she was easy to joke with, even when I felt like crying, I liked Tanya.

"Is **this** it?" she was marvelling at a huge club with lines that would surely take hours get to the front of.

"It's okay, Alice warned me that there would be queues, she told me she's put our names on the register for some extra money, we can just go straight to the front and they'll let us in."

She beamed and stepped out of the car in a stunning black strapless dress, some of the men in the queues wolf whistled and she smirked a little, walking by them holding her head high.

"You look really nice," I said awkwardly, she was definitely the most beautiful women I had seen tonight, not ever though.

"Why thank you Edward, you don't look to bad yourself, did Alice buy your clothes?" I laughed a little, admitting it with a nod.

"Shall we?" I asked my arm outstretched for her to link into.

"Most certainly," she giggled and playfully held out her hand for me to kiss, suddenly I didn't really like where this was going, one she was my cousin and two I couldn't like anyone except _her –_ she would always be my one and only.

When we had reached the bouncer, my sullen expression obviously confusing Tanya, he let us in after checking our names and ID. Inside the club was a kind of lounge area, the music was a tad quieter and a small but comfortable looking seating area was there.

"Edward!"

For the second time I turned to see my sister and caught _her_ face first. I stood staring for a little longer than I should have, Alice probably noticed, but no one else seemed to, I was able to remove my stare by dragging my eyes to Alice, with everything inside me messed around, I shakily spoke to Alice, telling her I was going to the bar to get some drinks for everyone. I asked everyone and while I kept my eyes lowered I walked away, acting as if I had forgotten she was there so I was able to shout over my shoulder, "Sorry Bella," wince, "what was it you wanted?" I waited for the spectacular voice to illuminate my day, but instead my words were met by her exceedingly annoying fiancé. "She'll have the same!"

Wait, I thought I was trying to put communication with the love of my life down to minimum, but I couldn't help my addiction, "Are you sure Bella?" Yet again I winced a little at her name, and I turned to meet her eyes, I noticed that she had stylish sunglasses (probably Alice's) over her chocolate brown eyes.

**BPOV **

Thank God I wore sunglasses, then he couldn't see me stare, I'm not that much of a freak that I would wear sunglasses just so I could see some boy I had developed an over active love for, no, I had them because the light in a club hurt my eyes. But as I said, I was thankful I had worn them.

He was wearing a plain but effective all white shirt with dark navy jeans, and as his eyes caught my face, I was able to happily stare into those luxurious gems, my head knew what would come when we were separated again, but my heart refused to give up its food, and kept staring till he had to re-ask a question; "Are – are you sure you want the same as him?" I was quite confused until I reran his words before that in my head.

"No actually, can I just have an orange juice, I'm driving tonight."

"Babe, you're allowed one glass..." he cut off as both Edward and I glared at him, he realised his mistake quite quickly and his look of confusion changed to horror.

"Oh – I'm so sorry; I forgot about the accident, I never meant anything by it."

"It's okay Jake; just know that I'd rather not drink at all when I'm driving." He nodded weakly.

**EPOV**

That stupid, brainless, _gifted_, idiot. How did such a thoughtless jerk end up with _her, _I mean really, the accident is about the biggest thing in her life and he just – forgets. It took me alot just to go to the bar and order drinks for our large party without hitting him for his luck.

When I came back from the bar, telling them the staff would have our drinks over soon I noticed what she was wearing as I scanned her body, a royal blue halter neck with the look of a frilled white shirt as a top half and the royal blue skirt on the bottom, it suited her perfectly and just made her look even more beautiful than she was, I was in awe of her when I realised that she was staring back, maybe on the off chance she wasn't, but I couldn't be totally sure thanks to the sunglasses, her face was tilted in my direction, and just as I turned away, I heard her voice, a little squeal of fright and then she was in my arms once again, all thanks to her clumsiness in heels I had the tingling sensation all over my body, she was trying to drive me crazy, and to top it all, her sunglasses had slipped off to reveal those heartbreaking brown eyes.

**BPOV**

Stupid, stupid, stupid Bella.

I really should have known better than to give into Alice and let her dress me tonight. Now I was laying in this angels arms my heart thumping with fright and happiness. My ankle was throbbing in agony from the fall but it was put to the side as my eyes met his again, and I got lost in the precious emeralds, he stared with such intensity, as if he wanted to drink in as much of me as he could, and I stared back, the fiery expression portrayed in his eyes was only burning stronger by the second and all rationality was quickly being lost... again.

***AN – Remember to review – Edward says so – lol x***


	8. Mistaken?

***A.N. – thanks to everyone who R and/or R'd – lol – I ook some time making sure I knew where I was going with the story and I have everything worked out perfectly, lets just say there will be quite a few surprises in store for you ;) – I hope you enjoy this chapter – thanks guys x***

**EPOV**

Why? Why God, why are you doing this to me. It's just plain cruel, and you should know that.

I actually groaned out loud when I realised this wouldn't last, stupid Edward.

My body ached to lean forward, to kiss her, but I couldn't do it, she would never speak to me again, so I filled myself with all of her I could by looking into her eyes, savouring the moment before I had to help her up, just a few more seconds, her arms quickly snaked around my neck, her face rising slowly towards my mouth, I breathed in her strawberry scent, it was better than I had remembered, she just stared at me for what felt like an eternity but what must have been only seconds, her brown irises looked confused and pained, she bit her lip, driving my whole body wild, I was slowly sinking into heaven and all she needed to do was lean forward a few inches more, then I would be there.

**BPOV**

I couldn't take it anymore and my arms on their own accord wrapped themselves around his neck, I inhaled his scent, so ready to kiss him, my head lifted and just as I was mere inches away from his soft lips I changed course and my mouth head for his ear, "I love you, but goodbye." And with that I closed my eyes getting ready to sit up and act as nothing had happened when I heard a loud crack and I was lifted into, by the smell of him, Jacob's arms, my eyes opened to see an angered Jacob almost growling at Edward whose chair had toppled backwards and was sprawled on the floor blood pouring from his nose.

"Edward!" I screamed, beginning to kick my legs to get out of Jacobs tight hold. "Owwwww!" I squealed as the pain in my ankle shot through the bottom part of my leg making me see bright lights.

"What is it?" Jacobs's voice was tight but concerned and I began slapping his chest. Voices were in panic and shock around me, but the pain coming from my ankle was making everything seem so hard to understand.

"Put me down you great oaf, how could you do that, owwww!" I said as he put me down and I collapsed into the nearest chair. Everyone was crowding around a bleeding Edward as I sat trying to watch him and take of my dangerous heels, cursing under my breath as pain throbbed around my ankle, and taking a quick look at the instantaneous swelling it looked broken. Great.

"Aren't you going to apologise?" he asked, anger seeping through his emotionless tone.

"For what, trying to pull myself up?" His expression changed to embarrassment as he took in my words.

"But I thought, I thought he was going to kiss you, he was staring at you, and then you nearly kissed him and whispered something in his ear,"

"Jacob," I lied through my teeth, "I was only telling him I had hurt my ankle, I spoke in his ear because of the music, he might not have been able to help me."

He covered his face with one of his hands then heaved a sigh, removing his hand from his face he walked over to where Edward was now getting First Aid treatment from the clubs staff, cotton wool being stuffed up his nose. I leaned in a little once I had put my bare foot up on a chair, trying to hear the conversation going on:

"I think it's broken."

"Cwrap," I heard a weird sounding Edward say. Even his voice like that was magical, and I was letting it go for the sake of security.

"Look man, I'm sorry, I thought that you were going to kiss my girl, you know, what would you have done?" They both turned with the reminder of me to look at me, and I instantly turned my head from him, I could meet the green jewels without cracking.

"Hey, can we get some of you first aiders over to my fiancé – she's hurt her foot."

One of the two pretty & busty girls reluctantly stepped away from Edward and made her way towards me, "where does it hurt?" she asked in a voice that clearly said –I don't care.

"My ankle," I was surprised by the small whine that escaped my lips as she touched the most sensitive spot; I was usually able to take pain quite well.

She looked at it for a little while before going into a first aid box and bandaging it up quickly telling me to take myself to the nearest emergency room, Jacob hovered nearby not quite getting the nerve to talk to me or even hold my hand, I felt horrible, but I was protecting him, right?

Alice left her brothers side and came to tell me they were taking him to the emergency room before seeing my foot, "What happened to you?" she asked her eyes popping out of her head when she saw the bandage, "don't tell me we have to people going to the emergency room tonight,"

"I'm afraid so, but you have only yourself to blame, you and your damn killer heels, never ever again," while she giggled a little picking up my discarded heals then exclaiming when she saw the snapped heel.

"I cannot believe you broke my, I mean, your new heels, it's like a criminal offence, I will have to work out a punishment." And I believed her.

"Whatever, but for now can you just take me to the emergency room because my ankle hurts like hell, and it's swelling to the size of a bloody football."

"Wow. It must be really bad, you used two semi swearwords in the same sentence," she looked genuinely concerned because of my use of words.

"How long will they be with Edward before we can go," I asked nodding my head towards Edward and his surrounding crowd, including a strawberry blonde who was whispering into his ear and holding his hand, looking at her made me feel something that I had not expected, jealousy.

I don't know, I think the girls who are treating him are having a bit too much fun if you know what I mean." I did know what she meant, when I looked at him again I noticed two young women, including the one that had treated me earlier, carefully cleaning his face of all the traces of blood they could find and talking to him, giggling like teenagers, yet again I felt jealousy cloud my judgement and I shouted over to the cosy little get together "sorry, but can we go because my ankle's in agony here!" Alice looked at me with shock, it was very unlike me to draw attention to myself like that, and I was hoping everyone would put it down to my exceptionally painful foot.

Rosalie and Emmett came over to me as the girls gave me growls and told me they were just finishing up, "Well, well, well, what did you do now Miss Clumsy," Emmett chuckled.

"I think I've broken my ankle," I moaned as a passing waiter knocked the chair my ankle was resting on a little.

"There's something new," Alice giggled; being my roommate for a few months had clued her into my uncoordinated ways.

"I'b ready to go." Edward said in a muffled voice, standing up and staring aghast at his blood stained shirt.

"I'm so sorry mate." Jacob apologised again, while I flinched from guilt.

"No boder."

"Jake you take the car home and I'll stay at Uni tonight."

"Uh, okay, I'm sorry babe, I never knew-"

"Just go Jake." I couldn't stand another second of his apologises. With a hurt look on his face he stalked off to the door.

"Rosalie and Emmett, you can go home, it's okay," Alice began to order , "Can you take Tanya home in my yourcar Jazz, and I'll take Bella and Edward to the emergency room in Edwards car, then when you've dropped Tanya of can you come up and collect Bella and I from the hospital, sound okay everyone?" once she had everyone's nods of approval she led the way out to the car and Emmett lifted me out to the car park, I could feel my cheeks burn bright red as people stared at me inside then out(people standing in the queues).

**EPOV**

As we walked out to the car, Tanya grasped my hand again, I let her for the simple reason that I didn't want to talk, my lip was swollen and every time I spoke it rubbed against my teeth and hurt even more. I kept my eyes glued to the ground as I made my way out to car park, which was not as easy as it sounds due to the broken nose.

When we reached my car, I'm almost certain Tanya would have given me a kiss on the lips if they were not double their normal size, so I gave her an awkward kiss on the cheek thanking her for not moaning about the ruined night.

"Oh no, don't even think about it, I just hope that you're okay, it looked really soar, stupid idiot that guy."

"No, he was just protecting his fiancé, it was just a misunderstanding, thanks anyway Tanya, bye."

And with that I got into the back of the car, Bella's voice coming from the front.

This was a really bad idea.

***A.N. - What did you think? R & R plz x***


	9. Injuries

***A.N. – Okay – I'm not too sure if this will be to effective but just review and let me know what you think – it basically goes through the chapter splitting it up and making sure you get the other ones POV, I hope you guys like it – I kinda thought this would be the best way to do it – it's the longest chapter yet so enjoy – R && R my honeys x***

**BPOV**

Don't think about him, just keep your eyes ahead, your thoughts on the pain in your ankle and chat to Alice a little. If he tries to make conversation, say how soar your ankle is and don't start a conversation under any circumstances.

I was ready to stick to these rules until he entered the car; straight away the heat engulfed my body, making me falter a little in the middle of telling Alice exactly how I had managed to trip over nothing in her four inch heels; she just didn't understand.

"Can I get a tissue?" Edward asked in that muffled, sexy voice of his. I nearly trembled with longing and the only thing which was keeping me from doing so was the fierce pain in my ankle that had now decided it would move up the bottom half of my leg, little shots of pain ran through me and tears welled up in my eyes.

Crap. Alice noticed. She squeezed my hand and turned to Edward handing him a handkerchief and exclaiming, "Om my Gosh! Your face; it's a mess."

Rather harsh.

"Thanks, Alice." Edward replied in a tone which dripped sarcasm. I slowly turned my body and realised just how much his face had changed in the past few minutes, the perfect nose was now crooked and his perfect lips were now swollen to double the size, the area of his nose and mouth were purpling and swelling more by the second; I felt sickened that I had caused this to happen, especially to him.

"I'm so sorry," I said, whispering unintentionally, "I never meant-"

He cut me of raising his hand, his eyes had locked with mine and again I could see the passion which filled them, even in there with their puffy surroundings I still felt desire and gave him a sad smile, turning to face the front again.

I would do the right thing.

My stomach churned as we bounced over the speed bumps, a bit too fast for my liking, my foot bounced as well and I tried but failed to hold in a groan of pain.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't even realise, I'll slow down."I said my prayer of thanks when Alice realised the pain her speed was causing me, I didn't like her fast driving at the best of times and it turned out it had alot of downfalls in emergencies.

"Do you know if Dad will be in work tonight, I don't want him freaking about my face, you know what he's like now," Edward spoke to Alice and I saw her hands grip harder around the steering wheel, she was picturing the last time he had had a head injury, I was sure of it.

"No, I remember him saying that he was taking mom out tonight. You know you're probably going to have to tell him anyway; otherwise he'll just find out from some other doctor that his son was in with a broken nose and by the looks of it a broken cheek bone too; then he'll freak."

He let out a sigh that was followed by a ten minute awkward silence before I decided to break it, usually I wouldn't have a problem with silence but I really needed something to take my mind of my ankle.

"Alice?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for ruining your night out. I know that Jasper and you were going to announce a certain something." Even in the crappy lighting I saw an unfamiliar redness cover her cheeks and for a second I couldn't understand why; she was never embarrassed about it before. Then I realised Edward hadn't been told. I was in deep trouble; I wouldn't be surprised if she kicked my ankle "accidentally" when we got out the car.

"Uh – What?" Edwards's surprised mumble came from the back and Alice turned to me with an uncharacteristic growl on her face

_Sorry. _I mouthed at her; she just turned her head back to the front and in a tight voice told Edward of the plans.

"Uhm – congrats?"

"Really – you're not going to go all big brother on me?"

"Uh – Why would I?"

"Well the last boy I was with and I started getting serious with you told him you would hunt him down and tear him limb from limb if he treated me wrongly."

"That was six years ago Alice, and that boy happened to be the captain of the football team."

"And?"

"And Jasper's my friend and the right guy for you, you deserve to be happy with him, you're perfect for each other."

I turned to see Alice with tears brimming in her eyes, a huge smile on her face. "Thankyou, you don't know how much he means to me."

"Correction, I do know how much he means to you; I've seen the way you look at each other and I know that you are truly in love. I would never come between that."

"I love you Eddie." She spoke while wiping away tears and turning into the hospital. Thank God.

"I love you to Allie." They both giggled a bit and I realised how much I would truly miss his company when I decided to totally give him up. Tonight may be the last time I see him for a while.

**EPOV**

The throbbing pain coming from my head was intensifying as I tried to focus on the conversation going on in the front of the car. Suddenly I felt something hot and warm gush out of nose and when I raised my hand to stop the flow I decided I would need something else other than my hands to clean the mess up,

"Can I get a tissue?" Alice began rummaging in her shiny clutch purse and turned to hand me a tissue her eyes bulging in shock when she took my face in, "Oh my gosh! Your face, it's a mess!" – And that makes me feel so much better about myself.

I tilted my head to the side, peering at myself through my dashboard mirror; I hadn't realised it was **that **bad. Violet blotches covered the centre of my face, my nose was sitting at weird angle and my lips were split and crusting in blood. Lovely.

I stopped looking at myself, knowing that I was just making myself feel worse about the whole thing, "Thanks, Alice," I said, making sure sarcasm filled my voice.

Sadness filled me once more until the beauty in the front seat turned to face me, she opened her mouth to speak and I almost didn't hear her I was so mesmerized by the way her lips moved, I raised my eyes to her and took in where the conversation was going. She was apologising, again. Lifting my hand to stop her I gazed into her chocolate orbs, gaining access to her soul and wishing I could stay in that position for a long, long time. But she gave =e me a smile, somewhat regretfully, and turned to face the front again.

I listened as Bella made noises in pain and knew I would only annoy her more by trying to ease it, Alice slowed down, and I found my mind drifting to what my father would think.

"Do you know if Dad will be in work tonight, I don't want him freaking about my face, you know what he's like now," I tried to convey my worries of how my "protective" my father had became after the accident without actually mentioning it, and by the amount of time Alice took to answer, I'm guessing she got the message.

"No, I remember him saying that he was taking mom out tonight. You know you're probably going to have to tell him anyway; otherwise he'll just find out from some other doctor that his son was in with a broken nose and by the looks of it a broken cheek bone too; then he'll freak." True, he would be very upset if he was told by a colleague of my injuries, so I made a note in my head to call him when I got to the hospital. Hopefully he would be too busy to make his way down to the hospital on my accord. I heaved a sigh as I thought of what I would say to reassure him.

The next ten minutes passed in utter silence, I think Bella had picked up on what I was talking about and she sat stiff as board now and again her foot trembled a bit, she was clearly in alot of pain and I couldn't hold her and make her feel better. My insides cried useless tears and my outside placed an emotionless mask in place.

Surprisingly it was Bella who broke the silence: "Alice?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for ruining your night out. I know that Jasper and you were going to announce a certain something." Did she just say..? Did she mean that Alice..? And Jasper..?

"What?"

She kept her head facing forward and in a monotonous tone told me of her plans and how Jasper had proposed to her at the beach, she didn't sound happy and I wasn't too sure whether she wanted a congratulations – maybe she had an argument with him before we left?

"Uhm – Congrats?"

"Really – you're not going to go all big brother on me?"

"Uh – Why would I?"

"Well the last boy I was with and I started getting serious with you told him you would hunt him down and tear him limb from limb if he treated me wrongly." Ah, so that's why she's so uptight about it; she thought I wouldn't approve. She couldn't be more wrong.

"That was six years ago Alice, and that boy happened to be the captain of the football team."

"And?" She didn't seem convinced.

I took a deep breath, choosing my words truthfully and carefully."And Jasper's my friend and the right guy for you, you deserve to be happy with him, you're perfect for each other."

Alice's voice acquired a teary quality and I realised she was probably crying over what I just said. "Thank you; you don't know how much he means to me."

"Correction, I do know how much he means to you; I've seen the way you look at each other and I know that you are truly in love. I would never come between that." It's completely true, I knew exactly what true love is and Alice and Jasper are definitely in love.

"I love you Eddie." Our personal joke – I hated being called Eddie and she hated being called Allie.

I love you too Allie," we both laughed a little as she pulled into the hospital and I'm pretty sure I heard Bella heave a sigh of relief, pulling me back into my agonising reality.

I got out of the car, stuffing the blooded hankie into my pocket and walking round to open the door for Bella, my heart leapt as I saw her face turned towards the car door, but it was in pain. I never meant to do it. I never meant to cause myself more temptation and pain, but I lifted her into my arms and began carrying her towards the entrance, not even looking at her face, knowing it would be too much.

I was pretty sure that Alice was parking my car with a large smug smile on her face. I gently lowered the sweet smelling beauty into the first wheel chair available in the emergency room and leaned back, sighing and waiting for Alice to catch up I ran my hand through my hair, realising as I did so that I was shaking. My hands fell to my side and Alice entered the waiting room.

"Jasper just texted me;" she switched of her phone as she spoke, "he'll be here in fifteen minutes which will probably mean he can go into see the doctor with you and I'll go with Bella."

I felt my puffed up cheeks heat up with embarrassment, "I don't need someone to go in with me." I hissed.

"Oh don't be silly, we all know you're all macho but it doesn't mean that you can't have your best friend there when your nose is cracked back in place." I winced a little when she spoke and she beamed at me as if she had just won the argument.

"Is there any point in me arguing?"

"No." She said chirpily and I knew the battle was won.

"Fine, but if I get taken in before he gets here I'm going to go."

"Okay." Damn that pixie.

"Can we go get booked in now?" Bella asked clearly wanting out of this hospital as soon as possible; I didn't blame her.

"Sure – don't tell anyone – but Edward's not the biggest fan of hospitals." Strictly speaking that wasn't true; when I dropped out of med school I told my family that hospitals were just weird and creepy and that I only wanted to be a doctor because of my dad. The truth is that they reminded me of a certain brown eyed someone and I just couldn't stick med school anymore, everything had seemed pointless when I didn't have her. Everything in my broken life seemed to lead back to her.

She stared up at me, biting he lip because of - I'm guessing - pain. I turned my head with what felt like all my strength and grasped the wheelchair, pushing it towards the sort of reception which was directly in front of us.

"Oh dear – were you in an accident?" the plump middle aged women at the desk put on her glasses and typing something into the computer.

"Eh – no."

"Well – okay – we'll do you first young lady." She gave Bella a comforting smile and Bella smiled an antique smile back.

"Name?"

"Isabella Marie Swan."

"Hometown?"

"Forks, Washington." Bella came from Forks? I thought she came from Phoenix - I lived in Forks since I was fourteen.

"Date of Birth?"

"September 13th 1989."

"Is your father and your mother ?"

"Well, they were when I was born."

"What happened to you?"

"I think I've broken my ankle."

"Left or Right?"

"Left."

"Okay dear, just go in there for now and a nurse will attend to you within the next fifteen minutes." She pointed to a room which said waiting room above the door and then turned her face to me.

"I'll take Bella into the waiting room, you're probable best if you wait here until Jasper comes, he should be here any minute." She gave me a quick hug and pushed Bella into the waiting room.

She smiled warmly again and then asked the same details:

"Name?"

"Edward Anthony Cullen"

"Hometown?"

"Haines, Alaska."

"Date of Birth?"

"June 20th 1985."

"Is your father C. Cullen and- wait, are you **Dr**.** Cullen's** son?" she batted her eyelashes a little whe she said his name and again I felt myself blush in true Bella fashion.

"Yeah."

"And Esme's son?"

"Yeah."

"I should call your father and tell-"

No way could it be her who called my panicky father. "That shouldn't be necessary – it's only a broken nose." The incessant pain in my left cheek bone told me that there was more than just one break in my face but I wouldn't let that on.

She raised an unkempt eyebrow, "Well if you're sure-"

"I'm sure."

"Right, well you can go wait on the nurse then since I already know what's wrong with you." She beamed, **again,** and then turned back to her computer, filling in more details.

I tapped my foot while waiting a whole three minutes for Jasper, "Hey mate, sorry I took so long, Tanya seemed really upset about what happened to you, I had to sit with her for a little while before I left her," that's funny, I didn't remember her being too bothered, only understanding and angry at Jacob.

"That's fine; Bella and Alice are already in the waiting room." We began walking towards the waiting room while Jasper spoke.

"I hate to tell you this mate, but your nose is a crooked mess." I sighed.

"I know, I'm going to have to get it re-broken probably then set properly, and to top that of I think I've got a broken cheek bone."

His face scrunched a little at the thought as we entered the room, I turned to walk towards the girls and turned back around on my heel when my name was called from a room leading off from the waiting room, a small but aged nurse peered her head around the door, calling my name twice;

"I'll probably be finished before you guys, we'll wait in here for you and the other way around if you are first out." Bella gave me a pained but breathtaking smile and Alice nodded.

Jasper fell in behind me as I made my way over to the nurse, signalling to her that I was he.

When we entered the Room I was asked to sit on the papered hospital bed and Jasper was offered a seat which he thankfully took, she took details, asked what happened – I told her I was punched in the face and she gave me an disapproving look.

She checked my face then told me her thoughts, "Well I know for sure you have broken your nose and it looks like it began to sit crooked do it may have to be re-broken, you have probably fractured your cheek bone, maybe in two places by the bruising and tenderness. You'll have to fill out these forms – they'll only take you about ten minutes – then straight into the doctor, it'll be easier to fix your nose the quicker we are able to out in place then a brace."

"Wh – what? A brace?"

"Yes it looks like you'll have to wear a brace for about a week; I can show you what it would look like if you want."

I nodded and she made her way over to a cupboard in the corner, putting her hand in a box and pulling out a beige coloured strip of what I would think to be fabric. It didn't look to bad.

"Well that's the thing, it can stay on your nose by itself but if you want to take all precautions against it moving out of place, you would be best wearing a nose guard when you are outside." She gave me an apologetic smile and I knew it would be bad.

"Show me it." I gave Jasper a look that said – do not laugh – and waited for her to turn around again.

She turned around with something that I would call hideous, it had thick black straps to pull it around my head with and had plastic going in the shape of my nose with foamy beige pads underneath it - never would I wear that.** (A.N. - LINK TO SHOW PICK OF IT ON MY PROFILE – LOL – POOR EDWARD!)**

"No." I said as I turned to snickering Jasper, "No way am I ever wearing that thing – uh uh."

"It would be the best way to ensure your nose was put back in place."

"Stupid, idiotic, dog faced Jacob Black." I mumbled under my breath so low only Jasper could hear, earning a snorting laugh from him.

"You may as well," his lips quivered trying to hold back laughter, "It'll be better in the long term."

"Hmm."

The nurse got us to fill out our forms and we were sent round to the doctors – Dr. Matthews.

"Hello, are you Edward Cullen?" No there are two of us with bruised faces and broken noses!

"Yes, and this is Jasper my friend – would you rather he stayed outside." I was quite hoping that she would say yes but it seemed like luck wasn't on my side today.

"No, no, not at all come on in," she gave him a girly smile and Jasper rolled his eyes at me before entering behind me.

"Your fiancé wouldn't be the best pleased at Dr. Matthews if she was here," I whispered under my breath, he nodded and then his eyes widened as he realised I knew. I grinned at him and he relaxed.

"Thanks."

"No bother."

The constant talking was putting me in agony but I was proud of myself for not complaining.

We got X-rays which took a good forty minutes then they decided I definitely needed a nose brace and almost forced me into using the nose guard, as Jasper sat by and laughed his head off. They had deducted from the X-rays that I had one small incomplete fracture which meant it was really just a cracked bone.

They told me that I was to come back in one week at the outpatients to get the nose brace off and hand in the nose guard, and that the swelling and bruising would not be completely gone for a good two and a half weeks. Damn.

I held my breath as Dr. Matthews and another nurse put my nose back in place, breathing put a deep painful sigh when they done it.

When everything was done I grabbed Jasper, pulling him away from the flirting nurses and walking towards the waiting room to see if we could find Bella and Alice. They were nowhere to be seen so we took our seats, I checked my watch, realising it had been three hours already.

"Congratulations on getting engaged to my sister," I smiled a small smile knowing it would hurt a lot if my smile got any bigger.

"That means alot to me," he gave me a careful hug. "Alice was so worried you'd take it badly. How did you find out?"

"Bella accidentally let it slip in the car."

He grinned, "I'm surprised Alice never freaked out right there and then, she was freaking out at the thought of telling you at the party, I honestly think she chose to announce it there due to there being a lot of witnesses," he laughed a little and I joined in.

"Yeah, I was very protective over her in high school, it's not that it's any different now, it's just that I know you two are perfect for each other, you just match."

"I know who you match with." I think this was Jasper's lead in to telling me he thought I should get together with Tanya.

"Oh yes – who would that be?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Isabella Swan." My jaw dropped, which was incredibly soar.

"Wh-what?"

"Don't pretend, it's not like I haven't been told about you and her, and I know how hard you are trying to build these walls up against people, just to make sure they can't see these feelings. But the truth is, I've been your best friend ever since Alice and I have gotten together, I can tell she is the cause of you blocking us out. Don't think your mask fools me."

I was honestly shocked, I couldn't choose whether to just admit it or deny ever single word. In the end I needed to get it out. "She's taken Jasper." I almost moaned the words.

"They're not right together Edward, I've been out with them as a couple a few times and they're not really a couple, maybe they were once, but that was a long time ago if there was any, they're more like best friends now, I'm sure of it." I nodded, refusing to hope too much only to be let down.

"Thanks, Jazz."

"No pro- there they are there." He motioned towards the corridor we came from just fifteen minutes ago.

Sure enough, Alice was walking very slowly beside a wincing Bella; blood flowed to her cheeks as she caught sight of us, her crutches causing her the embarrassment, a plain white cast on her left leg causing her the pain.

**BPOV**

As they came into sight I felt my cheeks heat up and I knew they would be a warm, rosy red now. I pulled myself forward my head down; the cast was still quite heavy as it wasn't properly dry yet so I felt as if I was pulling a weight with my left foot.

The doctor had explained I had a green stick fracture and showed me the X-ray(which I personally thought looked mortifying) trying to explain that it was a type of incomplete fracture but it wasn't a type of crack. I couldn't make head nor tails of what she was saying, but Alice seemed to enjoy the explanation.

I had chosen a plain white cast much to Alice's displeasure and received grey plastic and metal crutches which Alice had also declared "disgustingly unfashionable" and wrinkled her nose at.

I had to sit waiting for it dry enough for me to go for forty five minutes and when I could finally leave I didn't want to get up I was so tired I just wanted to stay in the uncomfy hospital bed and go to sleep. Alice had pulled me up, reminding me how comfortable my bed would be when I got home. I was easily persuaded and now here I am, back in the waiting room, thoroughly exhausted and most certainly ready to go home.

"Oh no!" Alice exclaimed, making me hop in shock.

"What is it Alice?" Jasper asked walking over to her and putting his arm around her waist.

"I just realised that I was supposed to be staying at yours tonight and I've got a dentist appointment tomorrow, it's because the dentist I go to is only ten minutes away from yours and fifty minutes away from the University, damn," I had a strange feeling she had planned this, but I went with it.

"Well aren't you better just staying at Jasper's tonight and Edward will drop me of at the Uni, that's if it's okay with you, Edward?" I quickly glanced at his face and found that he was nodding fervently.

"I wouldn't want to leave you alone after hurting yourself, I'd be worried."

"No, no, don't bother, I'll text you before I go to bed and I'll text you in the morning. Go home with Jasper, I'll be fine."

"Well if you're sure..."

"Of course."

She beamed, "Well that's settled then, Edward you can take Bella home and I'll go back with Jasper."

Again, not the best idea; for me anyway.

***A.N. – Did you like? Review guys & I was just wondering your theories as to what you think will happen in the end x**

**Oh and HAPPY EASTER! x***


	10. Comfort

***A.N – Finally got a chapter done!!!! – enjoy && remember to r&& r x***

**BPOV**

After waving of Jasper and Alice, we walked to the car silently. I still had a sneaking suspicion that she had planned this; but to be honest, I had a broken ankle and him a swollen face; what could we do?

Alice had directed Edward to where she had parked his volvo, and we got to his car within ten minutes of circling the large car park.

"Are you sure you're okay to drive like that?" I asked when seeing him grimace.

"Fine, I'm just thinking about the nose guard I'll have to wear." On his nose was a thin strip of beige material.

"It's not that bad."

"That's the brace," he pulled a box from the bag he was carrying; I had previously assumed it contained pain medication, but I was proved wrong when his hand pulled from the bag a horrible plastic object.

Naturally, I bit my lip, "Umm..."

"You have permission to laugh," he allowed, a slight smile forming on his lips.

I allowed myself to giggle as he placed the item back into the paper bag and turned on the engine.

"How's your leg," he asked casually as we rounded the corner, making our way out of the almost deserted hospital parking lot.

"Fine," I answered, while plastering an automatic smile on my face. He raised his eyebrows and I kept the smile on my face, hoping he would keeping looking straight ahead, that his his emerald eyes would not pierce mine. That I could push his beauty from me.

It couldn't be that hard, the swelling on his face would probably made him look hideous to any other female.

Sadly, I'm not any other female.

"Alice is really pleased that you approve of Jasper." I tried but failed to drag the conversation away from my over heating foot – the cast was making me burn up something awful.

"Stop trying to take the attention of yourself and of yourself and tell me the truth; I have some paracetemol in the glove compartment,"

"Um, I'm a little soar, I could do with some paracetemol though, just in case it gets any worse." He smirked in the nicest way possible as I opened the glove compartment, switching on the tiny light so I could find it. As I dryly swallowed the disgusting tablet I fought with myself, the image of my husband to be popping into my head.

He had been there for me when no one else had, we shared a connection that was different from Edward and I's, he pulled me from the very depths of my depression; when I had woken up, my inability to remember a single thing, not even who I was, dragged me under.

Then Jacob came along and it was like waking up again. I was never fully healed, but I was becoming a person again, becoming a daughter, a cousin, a friend to those I had been before. Renee and Charlie became my parents again, even if I didn't remember their part in my life before.

As I spent months learning desperately small things that people take for granted in life, like talking, I went from feeling completely desolate to comfortably happy, something in my dreams told me of my past and I had never cottoned on to the fact that the face in my dreams was Edward.

And now I'm stuck in between the two men I love the most; complete opposites but both perfect for me.

Jacob is more like a friend nowadays, what started out as a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is turning into a best friend one, and I don't know what to do, because I do love Jacob, just not the way I should. Telling him I don't love him right would break me just as much as it would him, and he had been there for me. He doesn't deserve this.

My mind was snapped out of it's wonderings by Edward's ludicrous question. "Maybe it would be a better idea for you to stay at mine,"

"What?! Are you kidding me on, Jacob would have a fit!" I was shocked by his statement, why would he even ask that question?

"I don't mean like that," he replied, and even in the dark I could see his cheeks go a darker shade, "I just think it wouldn't be the smartest idea for you to break your legs on the stairs or something."

That was a good point, but wait a second, how the hell did he know I had stairs to get to my dorm? "I can see your line of thinking, but how did you know I had stairs?"

"I helped Alice get all of her things there when she moved in." Another miss, we could have so easily have met, Alice moved in only three days before me; was the universe trying to tell us something? "And I have a spare room, I only want to make sure you don't break your neck or something in those crutches; I don't mean any offence, but ever since we've met, you've never struck me as the majorly coordinated,"

Usually, after that comment, I would have huffed that it wasn't my fault, it was just genetics, but something about the way he said it made me laugh, just a little.

We left the subject rather quickly with no upstanding conclusion and just talked, I learned little bits of precious information about this strong man, his likes and dislikes; his most stupid pet hate, the sports he's interested in, his favourite meal, his taste in music.

Just normal conversation to most, but to me it felt like I was gathering every single little fact I could about him, everything my mind could suck in; if this was the last time I seen him, I would make it count.

I tried to give answers to most of the questions he asked me, my likes and dislikes, my favourite meals. Somehow it didn't feel the way it should. When he told me these things they were like little treasures, little tokens of how his life is and has been since he was born, little funny stories of how he came to do things the way he does. I don't have that, I have less than one and a half years of my life to deduct truth from, and it seems just a little unfair that everyone else has these memories. It almost feels like they've lived longer, experienced, tested, trialled more. I felt as if I was making the conversation one sided, answering in short memorized statements, but I suppose that suited me, I was quite happy to listen to the soft tones of his calm voice.

We reached the sign post which told us of the T junction up ahead, time to make that decision; whether to betray my fiance or not.

Then again, it want like I was going to do anything with him, I was just going there to make sure I didn't break, fracture, scrape or cut any part of my body due to the heightened odds of me falling downstairs. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, I feel horrible for thinking it, but it's not like Jacob would have to know, and I'm not even doing anything wrong, not technically.

"So have you made a decision yet?" the conversation twisted back to my minds anxious thoughts, he seemed pretty much in tune with my facial expressions.

"Uh, you mean staying at yours," he nodded still staring straight ahead, coming nearer to the part of the road where we would have to choose which lane to go into.

I dragged in a breath, "I think... I think that would be a good idea." He smiled and I began to stupidly reassure him of my intentions, "It's just that I'm usually so clumsy and-" I was silenced by the instantaneous torrentional rain which had begun to batter against the windows. "Wow."

He fumbled about with a couple of switches and soon had the window wipers on full speed, the heating turned up and had changed the radio channel, as we sped around the corner towards his spacious flat I prevented the thoughts of Jacob from re-entering my head.

"Here we go," Edward stated as he parked the car, readying himself to enter out into the pouring rain, "just wait two seconds, I'll come back down with an umbre-"

"It's fine, it's just-"

"Please," he turned to look at me and I knew he had already won the argument.

"Thanks." He left the car engine on as he ran upstairs and was back down in no time, just as he reached the door the song began; not just any song, our song, Jacob and I's song, - the sad thing is I had to be told this was our song, I had to be told the reasons, I had to be told what it went like, who the singer was and so when it started on the radio I was ready to leave it behind in the car, because even though I had known Edward before the accident I had had a very short time with him, we were getting to know each other at the same time, not me getting to know him just.

We reached the lift and I tried not to look at myself in the mirror, knowing full well the state I must be in by now, and as I took a quick peek I realised I had nothing to use for pyjamas. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't have anything to sleep in."

"It's okay, I've already thought about that; Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose come up about once a month for a sort of movie night thing," he mumbled the last part, seemingly embarrassed, "Rose or Alice are always forgetting their things, I actually think Alice keeps a permanent pair of PJ's in my house," that made me laugh, it sounded exactly like Alice to be so over prepared for everything, even when she had a brilliant memory – she did everything beforehand so she wouldn't forget anything.

"Sounds like Alice." He rolled his eyes and we got out of elevator.

I found Alice's pyjamas a bit of a squeeze but I managed as they were only a cute sort of summery ensemble – short and a tight T, getting them over my heavy cast wasn't a problem and even though it was a little chilly, I was grateful for something which could fit over the thick lump of plaster coating my leg.

I was ready to go to bed the second I had pyjamas on, and was going to ask for a quilt to cover his comfortable sofa, I brushed my teeth awkwardly leaning against the sink and folded up my dress whilst sitting on the edge of the bath/shower. I hopped out of the tiled toilet and grabbed my crutches which were sitting outside the door (I don't even want to attempt using them on slippery flooring). When I entered the living room I found everything sitting out for me, a folded quilt cover, a pillow and an alarm clock sitting on the nearest table.

Then Edward entered, I felt myself swoon a little; just like a stupid teenager when I caught sight of his ribbed body once again, he was wearing navy blue bottoms and nothing on top and as much as I tried not to I couldn't help but marvel at his perfectly sculpted frame. "Thanks, I'll be more than comfortable," I smiled and he shook his head quickly.

"You're sleeping in the upstairs bedroom – did you really think I'd let you sleep on the couch?"

Figures. "Uh – yes, I don't want to cause any inconvenience,"

"Really, I'll be fine on the couch,"

"Don't say that, you're making me feel bad."

"You can just take up residence on the other couch then," he joked and I decided to take him seriously.

"Alright then, do you have another quilt?"

His bruised face turned into a disapproving frown, "Don't be so stubborn, I'm not going to move from here so you may as well go to bed,"

"I'd rather not."

He rolled his eyes as I plonked myself sown on the couch opposite him.

"Just please go back upstairs."

"Do you really think I'm going to sleep in your bed?" I asked, raising an eyebrow

He heaved a sigh, "No."

"Well then, do you have another quilt?"

He was almost as stubborn as me, almost.

In the end he tossed caved and dragged in his bed cover from his room, I felt slightly guilty at causing so much hassle, to be honest, I wasn't even sure if I had a credible reason not to sleep in his bed, it would be much politer.

He set the alarm for half past seven, early enough to make a quick get away.

We said our goodnights and as I pulled the covers tightly around me in the warm darkness of his living room, I was surrounded by his scent, his taste, him.

**EPOV **

She was so stubborn, for no reason whatsoever she would not sleep in my bed and yet I gave in to her demands.

Sad Edward. Really sad.

As I turned of the lights and my eyes adjusted they found her shape on the small sofa and suddenly I felt calm, and I slipped beneath the covers in serenity, I held my gaze on her for just a few seconds, watching as closed her eyes and then I closed mine.

My eyes flickered open, rather disorientated in the dark unfamiliarity of my own living room, I worked out where I was in under a second but the source of the muffled squeals was still unknown.

I threw back the quilt, and I noted the squirming body lying on my couch.

Now I remembered; the party, the fall, the punch, the hospital – her thick leg and my soar face was proof of that part.

She screamed again, lying on her side, her face coming up from the pillow as she moved, her little hands balled into fists.

I didn't know what to do, clearly she was still asleep, so i felt about underneath the table, I pulled the button down as I found a candle over the otherside of the room, lighting it carefully.

In the dull light I noticed the fresh sweat covering her forehead, the little wrinkle in the middle of her nose as her face contorted once again into something I could only describe as agony.

I didn't know whether to wake her so I sat on the edge of the sofa, and ran my finger across her cheek, slowly and gently, as what was intended to be a calming motion, and it worked, her screaming became quieter and she began to mumble softly.

"Please Edward... Stay... I want to..." she was dreaming about me? Just as I began to smile she creamed worse than before sending shivers down my spine and her eyes snapped open.

Her eyes found mine quickly, and they looked do mournful, so scared.

"What's wrong," I whispered slowly.

"I can't tell you," she sniffed, "just hold me, please." She lifted the embroidered quilt up with one arm and I hesitated before slipping inside. Her plastered ankle was to the inside of the couch so no pain was caused and relaxed as she wrapped her arms around me, nuzzling her head into my neck.

How I longed to react, but I couldn't, I couldn't take advantage no matter how tempting it was.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Just do this one thing for me, kiss me," she mumbled and and kissed my neck, sending little bolts of electricity through me.

"I – I can't."

"Why?" she seemed a little more awake now, propping herself up a little on her elbow, her eyes half open.

"I – It's just – you're not your usual self."

"You're wrong, I'm being me, for once in a long time I'm doing what I truly want to do, even if it's just once," and then she did something I wasn't expecting, she kissed me. It began passionately, almost fiercely, making my painful mouth throb even more. But I didn't care. As it got softer I melted into her, pulling her closer to me, and finally pulling away, my hand rested on the back of her head as her face one more nestled into my neck. I sat thinking for what seemed like hours, and as I gazed down at her she drifted off to sleep, calm as could be, and I found my lids becoming heavier. As I began to find sleep I drank in her face, every minute detail.

True Beauty.

***A.N. – WHAT DID YOU THINK? REMEMBER TO R && R X***


	11. The dream

***A.N – Okay, so I got this request asking for the dream Bella had, and hear it is. It's written in a bit of a riddle form.**

**I hope you guys, like it.***

The dream

Tiredness entails sleep, sleep entails dreams;

sometimes, dreams entail nightmares.

Blurred sightings surrounded me; white shapes, frills, bows, flower patterned shows, silken gloves.

Teardrops.

Everything pushed down on me, flattening me.

My happiness wasn't correct, it was put on. A mask.

Reflection in glass coverings, shining light on my white figure, large collections of flowers cramped in between my shaking hands, shimmering metal stuck in my sprayed hair, soft net, trailing down my back.

My eyes so hollow, full of inward agony, my smile turning somewhat authentic, my stomach churning in anxiety.

One foot after another, then I was in a different place altogether; every one of my friends and family packed into a small religious place.

The walls a familiar rough brick, dark brown sighting, stained glass windows lighting minute parts of the room.

Sunlight creeping through into my most damned day.

Laughing reaches my ears.

Giggling, chatter.

Flashes, clicks as the camera takes its moments in time.

My lips pull upward in a fake grin.

Notes ring out.

Organ keys pounding to the rhythm of a well known march.

Every doubt and pain creeping up inside me, engulfing me whole.

"It's time."

My arm is linked with a familiar one, steadying and comforting; giving me strength.

My feet move to the beat.

Far too fast, I don't want to give myself up yet.

Smiles, tearstained faces swirl in front of my eyes.

Mum, Phil, Billy, Sam.

All too soon I reach it.

The place I don't want to be.

His face is beautiful yet not the one I want.

Not the one I need.

The face is Jacob Black.

Everything jumps again, blurs through the words of the agonizing service.

More words I force from my mouth.

Regrets spinning inside my mind.

He asks those simple words and hope begins to bubble up inside.

Not even a second passes before I know my hopes were wrong.

Please. My mind begs in a last attempt. Begging for him to show up.

Please.

Someone squeezes my hand.

It doesn't help.

All too quickly someone announces I'm a wife.

Tears and awes follow, but I don't make a sound.

Scared I'll break.

I didn't want this.

Through the murmuring of proud parents and happy loved ones I hear the thick doors rattle.

Too late I hear the voice.

"Bella!"

Too late.

"BELLA!"

I try to break away, run to him, but I find everyone blocking my path.

Grabbing at my arms and waist, pulling me backwards.

"Too late," they all tell me as I scream his name over and over.

I keep trying to push apart crowds to no avail.

His voice becomes quieter.

"Wait!" I scream, but still it gets quieter.

"Please, wait."

"Bella..."

And then I knew he was gone.

"EDWARD!"

End dream

***A.N. – I hope you guys liked it – I'm working on the next ch. Now – and there are still alot of twists and turns left in the story ;) Review hunnies x*(that means you too Lauren! X)**


	12. Choices

***A.N. – So sorry for the long wait! Hope you like this ch.! ;) – it's song is – Almost Lover –by A fine frenzy x***

The swirling colours of a beautiful dream began to fade, slowly I began to feel to feel a dull thud of pain coming from my left ankle and the shocking events of last night began to swarm into my head. I had woken up from some sort of nightmare; the details weren't very clear. I had woken up in a fear of never showing him how much I loved him.

I kissed him again and again, for what must have been hours we whispered every feeling we ever had about each other.

Kissing again and again, feelings revealed themselves; I never even knew they existed.

My eyes began to open and I found his bare top half wrapped around mine.

His broken face just inches from mine.

His sweet smell enticing my nostrils.

I breathed in deeply carefully lifting one hand to his bruised cheek, softly brushing my fingers across it.

Tingles ran up my arm and I couldn't bear to move an inch. The small alarm clock read an early 7:30am and I warmed to the thought of lying here till he opened his eyes.

Then I heard the frantic vibrations coming from my small bag on the nearby table, quickly, trying not to wake the sleeping angel I stretched for my bag. My phone had finished vibrating by the time I had flipped it open. One new message. I opened it, it was from Jake.

_**Jake**__** – received 7:30:23  
Heyy babe, jst txtn 2 c if u r ok,  
Im so srry about last nite –  
I gt home n wrote an apology letter  
to Alice's brother, I really dnt  
wnt ths 2 cum btween us  
I 3 u so much babe  
plz call me wen u gt ths –  
I need u. P.S. srry 4 the long txt  
xxxxxxxxxxxoxoxxxxxxxxxxxx**_

What have I done? I just betrayed him, he just apologized for thinking there was something going between Edward and me and there actually is. How could I do this to him?

How could I do this to us? We have been through so much together and I don't even have the grace to sleep in my own place, I accepted his invitation to his house knowing what I was doing and then woke up during the night to have a little, no, big make out session with him.

I've just made a fool of the guy who stuck by me no matter what.

Making the decision was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. As I tried to peel myself from Edward I realised it was near impossible with my heavy foot and his arms wrapped tightly around me. I would have to wake him and say it too his face. I would have to take back everything I said last night.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, readying myself for the steady lies to shortly come from my lips. Then I began to nudge his warm, precious body. Gently at first, and he only tightened his grip around me, nearly extracting a heartbroken sob from me. But I shook him a little harder and his eyes began to open, fear of the pain almost locked my mouth tightly shut but I knew what I had to do, so as his eyes opened properly and he smiled beautifully at me I kept my face expressionless.

"Edward..." I began.

"Yes?" he smiled a little more when I said his name, just as I would have done had the situastion been reversed.

"We need to talk," he nodded solemnly but also, surprisingly, a little excitedly. "You'll need to move first." I prompted and he quickly unravelled himself leaving me unnaturally cold and lonely, I pulled the covers tightly around me, almost ready to pull them over my head.

"Go on..."

"I just. Can't. Do this." My words came out in quick breaths. His small smile faltered.

"Wh – what? I thought, after last night..."

"No Edward, last night was a stupid mistake." The words stung me as I spoke them but I ploughed on, slowly scarring my heart. "I woke up from a nightmare and got a little... over enthusiastic."

"You know it wasn't like that." He spoke quietly his eyes on mine, pleading. Still I kept going.

"I don't mean you took advantage or anything, I just was scared and Jake and I have been having lots of fights lately." At least that part was true. "I just needed comfort and I done something I regret completely. I'm sorry if I've hurt you." Those last words were the truest things I had said all morning and I tried to put all my feeling into them.

"Sorry?" He exhaled as he spoke, quietly and to the floor he said the word. "I don't..." he trailed of, after a few seconds spoke again, "understand."

How do I say this to him? There was only one thing to do, the ultimate lie.

"I love Jacob, I don't love you."

He exhaled again, and I noticed that his hands were trembling ever so slightly.

"I'm just going to." Breathe. "Leave." I stood up quietly, pulling my crutches from under the sofa, I started to the bedroom, trying to hold myself together for the act, I had to pass Edward on the other couch and my clumsy self couldn't help but make me trip over the corner of a rug.

He caught me in his arms and the tears threatened to burst from me. But I held them for later.

Being the gentleman he was he stood up, carefully placing me back onto the ground. "I'm just going to get changed, then call a cab."

"Uhhuh," he mumbled, turning his face from mine, I proceeded towards the room, changing quickly and trying to balance myself on crutches again while carrying my clutch bag.

I had expected him to try and stop me, but he was just letting me go. That should be a good thing, it's what I should have been hoping; I hated it.

Then the horn beeped, the cab had arrived and it was time to leave him, forever.

I hobbled towards the door, I couldn't resist one last peek at him, as I turned my head a hand snuck around me and turned the handle on the door to help me out. "Thank you," I murmured.

No answer.

I sucked in a breath as I entered into the hallway, hopping towards the elevator.

I pushed the button, and waited. I waited whilst holding in the pain, trying not to think about him...

"WAIT!"

"Yes?" I don't know what I want him to say, I only know that I shouldn't want him to say something at all.

"Don't go."

Lie Bella.

"I have to."

"You don't," he ran a finger through his messy hair, moisture seeping from his eyes. "Just, stay with me. I know you love me."

You have to lie Bella, for Jake.

So I did.

"No I don't, do you want know why?" here comes the pain, I began to screech "because your not good enough, your nothing compared to what's waiting for me at home, your just average Edward Cullen, and one night doesn't change my mind; it all meant nothing." I watched as the glimour of hope left his eyes, the elevator door opening just as I was about to cave, I stepped inside, taking one last look at his haunting face.

Here I am.

Driving straight to my door.

Jacob inside anxiously awaiting my forgiveness and I have the ultimate decision to make.

Tell him the truth, or lie.

I think I've done enough lying today.

"...I'm sorry, please forgive me." I broke of sobbing as I watched his face change from shocked to disgusted.

"H – how could you? After all we've been through, I APOLOGIZED TO HIM!" he thundered making me shake in my unsteady crutches. "I thought you loved me-"

"I do!"

"Obviously not enough."

"Please Jake, I didn't mean to-"

"You didn't mean to what," his hands shook as he lifted them to his face. "You didn't mean to go home with him? You didn't mean to let him in your bed?"

"Couch," I whimpered

"Yeah, you didn't mean to start making out with him," he took a breath, "or more for all I know."

"Jake." I gasped.

"What? It's not like I should trust you, how am I supposed to know nothing like that happend, YOU SLEPT IN THE SAME PLACE!"

"I'm so sorry." I cried again, not knowing what to do or say to appease him, I had made him out as a fool and now all I could do was apologize. "Please believe me, it meant nothing. I love you."

"Do you?" he asked, lifting his head from his hands; he had been crying.

"Of course I do Jake, that's why I came to tell you this, I – I thought we could work through it."

Silence. His eyes darted over me, I could tell he was chewing the inside of his cheek, thinking over what I had just said, his shoulders drooped and suddenly he moved towards, he grased my shoulders gently in his hands.

"Why Bella, why would you do this to me?" he asked, lines of worry and disappointment lining his tanned skin.

"I don't know." The confusing thing is, I do love him, I always have and probably always will, but not the way a wife should love their husband, more in a way best friends should.

"The wedding is in a couple of months Bella; what are we supposed to do?" He looked me straight in the eyes again and I found myself almost trembling from his questioning glance.

"I don't know." I answered again.

"WELL DECIDE BELLA!" he burst out, "You've got us into this mess and you will bloody well decide whether we are going to make it out of it!" he took a breath, "You need to tell me now, whether there is any point in us continuing, because I don't want to come back to this, I love you with all my heart and I don't think I would ever truly get over you, but you need to tell me you'll stick by me.2 he grasped my small hands tightly between his vast ones, "please Bella," he whispered, "tell me you need me.", As his eyes bored into mine with a teary stare I weighed up my options, both would cause pain and hurt.

I have to pick the right one.

I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I don't.

So I chose.

"Jake, I-

***A.N. – Am I mean or what lol? HAHA – I think next ch. will be up within the next week – I've already done part of it. –review hunnies xX***


	13. Consequences

***A.N – R && R ;)***

(Last Chapter – "Jake, I-

My breath caught in my throat as I tried to continue, every memory I have with Edward flitting through my mind, not much but enough to know what I have, had, with him was special; but the thing is, how can I even consider choosing Edward now when I rejected him in the worst most demeaning way possible. Yet I still yearned to be in his arms, to feel his warm body pressed once again against his; to be whole again.

So as I answered Jacob I savoured the memory and decide that that's all it would ever be; a memory.

"Jake, I want to marry you." He pulled me into his arms as I burst into tears I'm not sure what he thought I was crying over but he seemed to take it anyway, sitting me down on the couch, on his knee like I was just a little girl; then he made the big mistake of kissing me. I was almost unable to respond as his lips touched mine but after a second or so I was able remember myself, ready to lie to the world once more.

When we broke away I felt just as numb as before, with his arm around my waist I leaned back onto my best friend wondering what it would if things were different, if he was just a friend, just comforting me over something that had made me cry; Jacob would be good at that, he was always sensitive to me but this one time he was way off; I suspected he didn't really believe my feelings for Edward had been skin deep but had excepted it to keep me, I wish he would ask me again, maybe I could change my answer.

But I've made my metaphorical bed.

And it's time to lie in it.

A chill swept over me as I opened my eyes, glad to get away from my indistinct nightmares, pain hitting me when reality reached my brain, I pulled my legs out of bed, surprised to find no sleeping giant beside me; picking up the crutches and hobbling over to the door.

An alluring smell reached my nostrils as I opened the door, a well re-nound "Jacob fry-up" was probably on the menu this morning and as much as it smelled nice I wasn't actually that hungry.

"Bella? Are you up?" Jake's booming voice rang in my ears when the door creaked a little on further opening.

"Yeah," I croaked back, "I don't think I feel to good Jake, I'm not so sure I want anything to eat."

"You sure?" he didn't seem in a particularly good mood, and then again, who could blame him?

"Yeah – I'm gonna go back to bed," I began to close the door as I turned to snuggle up underneath the covers again, ready to hide my agony just as I tried last night.

"I'm leaving for work in 10 minutes – we need to talk."

"Oh." Was all I managed to utter, "Two seconds."

I slipped on my house coat and made my way into the minuscule kitchen, waiting for another screaming match, I sat on one of the two seats in the kitchen and silence until he was ready to speak.

"Can you do me a favour, Bella?" Jacob's words tumbled from his mouth, his cheeks becoming darker; he turned from me, picking at his large plate of food as he spoke the next words, "Can we keep this between ourselves, I mean, what happened with, him." His voice tightened as the last word mumbled out.

He turned back around and I nodded once, standing up; unable yet to be in his presence like this; remembering how he had slept on the tiny couch to make sure I was comfortable last night.

I reached the bedroom and thankfully sank onto the bed; grief and loss shooting through me.

Probably hours later; long after Jacob had gone I was still locked up in my bedroom, when I heard a knock.

I know I shouldn't have but I instantly wanted it to be him; for him to have come and tell me that he doesn't believe me and that he'll never take no for an answer.

I hopped to the door having mistakenly pushed the crutched to far under the bed and stopped myself just before opening it, only a heartbeat passing between that and the time my hand reached the door handle, I was already having inward arguments over what to do if it was him, so when I opened the door to a much smaller, usually chirpier character I breathed out in both relief and upset.

She pushed past me before I could say a word, "Sit down," she instructed.

I did as she said, trying to read her emotionless and blank face; so unlike the normal Alice.

Her chest heaved in and out, her breathing heavier as she obviously began to work herself up to something; only one conclusion could be made from her uncharacteristic behaviour; she knew.

"How. Could. You?" she all but growled at me. "And don't you **dare **say you don't love him. I've seen the way you look at each other, it's not one-sided." She seemed to be chewing the inside of her cheek as her eyes stayed locked with mines.

"Sorry." I was able to mumble back.

"Well if you're sorry about what you done then why aren't you with him? What the hell did you say to my brother, Bella? Do you have any idea how... how fragile he is?" A tear trickled down her face as she spoke.

"Wh – what?"

Alice cam towards me, pained features facing the floor, she sat down beside me and proceeded to tell me things about Edward I didn't even consider to ask about.

"When the accident happened, it devastated everyone; really Bella, my mum and dad just cried for days on end when they found out he was in a coma, and to know that he was in a coma because he had protected someone hurt even more; no that they would ever have held it against you. When he woke up it was just about the best moment of everyone in this family's life; but he was a different person." She took a deep breath before continuing and spotted another tear fall from her face. "Before the accident he was funny, lively, energetic, risky, he had huge aspirations; the only thing he was a bit more careful on was girls he chose. But when he woke up his main personality points had been drawn from him, he no longer made jokes, he never smiled much, he stopped spending time with Emmett and Jasper, just couldn't handle any nights out, I think, to be honest he found it hard to even function properly he became a sort of emotionless robot for three years. And it was all because of you. When he met you again you have no idea the difference in him; really Bella, it was like he finally had something of himself back."

"I didn't know." I whispered.

"No Bella, you don't know. You don't know the damage you've done. He's worse than before this time and this time it's your fault. I need to know what you done, I need to know how o help him."

I couldn't tell her now, not now I know what I've done.

"I can't,"

"Tell me, Bella."

"Please Alice..."

"Just tell me."

I opened my mouth to speak but no words would come out; I cleared my throat, readying myself for the disgust.

"I told him I didn't love him, I told him that I never have a never would love him." The last part would be the worst; it would be the line which would drive Alice from me for good. "I told him he wasn't good enough."

I heard a ragged breath coming from her, her face still looking the floor; I saw her fingers tighten into fists, "No Bella."

Silence.

We just sat like that, for minutes which felt like hours, we sat in unbroken silence, then Alice spoke again.

"You have to come with me Bella; you need to tell him you lied. I don't even care if you don't want him back; just tell him the truth."

"I don't think-"

"Don't start," she snarled, "I can't believe I'm still in this house; you really are a horrible person; and if you want my opinion then I'll give you it. You are woman acting like a child; selfish and horrid; you were good enough for Edward when you first met him. Now; I don't even think you're good enough to be my friend never mind his girlfriend."

"I'm coming with you," I mumbled; trying hard not to let the tears fall.

"I'm glad you will at least tell him the truth; but don't think that it'll change anything between us."

***A.N – Sorry for taking so long I lost my writing pad :( but I have it back now. I don't know how you guys will react to this chapter – i hope you will deal. I still have quite a bit left for this story. (REVIEW!)***


	14. Gone and renewed

***A.N. – Listened to the piano cover of Hurt by Nine Inch Nails, U2 – with or without you && Battlefield by Jordin Sparks to write this – hope you guys enjoy – Read and review!* x**

**Erased – Ch. 14**

I was shocked to silence by Alice's harsh but true statements. We had been friends from the word go; as soon as we met each other we just clicked. Now what I had done outside our friendship had ruined everything between us.

My life was becoming a black whole of depression. Everything I truly wanted in my life becoming of limits, my friendship, my love life, even my family since the coma.

So as I descended the steps in my crutches to get to Alice's car I kept my head down as the tears fell; knowing each one of them were well deserved.

I so badly wanted to blame this mess on the accident, on the drunk driver, on someone who wasn't me; but the truth is, I seem to have been forgetting that the accident doesn't have anything to do with what I have just done. With the choices I have just made and it is unfair not to take the blame for my stupid behaviour.

Alice clicked open her car and gave me a short nod signalling for me to get in the car. I sat down shakily and awkwardly managed to slide the crutches under the seat.

"Seat belt on," Alice barked.

We set of in silence once again and I was left to contemplate my decisions.

About five minutes from Edwards flat Alice broke the silence once more, "When you tell him the truth I want you straight out of there; get back in the car and I'll drive you home. I don't want you messing about with him anymore."

I opened my mouth to argue back but found there was no reason to, what she told me to do was quite justified.

The next five minutes went by extremely slowly; a replay of yesterday going on inside my mind; my stomach churning at the thought of seeing him again. The things I had said to him last time would make it almost impossible for words to come out of my mouth when my face meets his.

What can I do?

Embarrassing and heartbreaking.

Then we reached his block of modern flats and my heart started beating double the normal. My hands reached numbly for the crutches.

Out of the car, into the elevator, walking up the hall, knocking on the door.

I wasn't ready to snap out of my despondent trance, so when Alice knocked once, twice, a third time with no answer it came unnoticed to me.

"Damn," she mumbled, bending down to peek through the letter box. "Edward, I know you're in there! Open the door!" she shouted, but still no answer. She took a deep breath, "Bella's with me." Her voice was low and loud. He would have heard her but there was still no answer; clearly he just didn't want to talk to me; or anyone for that matter.

"Alice, just leave it," I murmured as she knocked on the door again; louder than before.

"I will not leave it." She snapped, "something isn't right, I know him; and he would answer the door to me about 99% of the time, and he would answer the door to you no matter what, even if you didn't deserve the courtesy," she sniped.

I shrunk back from her a little as her eyes bore into mine; the intensity of her anger shocking me. She began to fumble in her pocket and quickly retrieved her keys; I hadn't asked before what the extra ones had been for but as she tried the door with three different keys, finally finding the correct one and slamming open the door; I realised they must be for all of her families houses as there were several of them.

The inside looked almost identical to the way I left it; a bit cleaner but other than that no change.

"Edward!" the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach was back with a vengeance, I awaited his entrance with baited breath; but it never came. "You wait here," Alice snarled, and sprinted of in the direction of the bedroom.

I stood in a bit of a panic; my mind jumped to quick and horrible conclusions. Pictures him drunk and hurting himself entered my mind and as much as I tried to push them away they stayed there until Alice came back into view.

She shook her head as my eyes begged her for information, "he isn't here," she added, looking a little mystified, "maybe he just went out." She turned her head from mine; I'm guessing she remembered to be annoyed at me again. The room was soundless as we both were lost in our own thoughts; I was dragged from mine by a loud gasp from Alice.

She had just picked up a sheet of paper, and was beginning to read it; I started to make my way towards her but she held out her hand in a stopping motion.

As she read her face changed from confusion to hurt, then to anger. "Read it," she screeched, flinging the paper towards me; I wobbled a little as I reached out for it.

The writing style was unfamiliar and beautiful; almost calligraphic strokes with every letter.

It wasn't long.

But it shocked me.

**Dear Alice,**

I sorry that I haven't managed to say goodbye to you in person; I was in a rush to escape this place.  
I know that you will probably be the first person to come around here which is why this note is addressed to you. I apologise profusely for any pain I cause you by my leaving but you have to understand that this city just holds too many bad memories to stay; I need a break at least for the time being and because of that I need to get away from everything; I'll give you a call soon and to let you know everything's fine. I know that you would have tried to stop me leaving if I had told you sooner.  
I've left the apartment and my car keys in the hands of my upstairs neighbour, Olivia, you can go upstairs and collect them if you would like to, but Olivia promised to keep them for me until I get back, so don't feel any pressure to check on the apartment/car.  
I'm not sure how long my break away will be, I've sorted things out with the school and with rent for the next few months; as I said, I'm not too sure how long I'll be but I just need some time, Ali.  
There is something in the hall closet for you, I bought in your birthday present for you early this year – it'll match Jasper's present for you; I wish I could be there I know 21 is a big birthday.  
Bella's fiancé set things straight for me, I don't want to make any more of an idiot of myself than I already have, he explained how hard I was making things for her and tell her I'm sorry for acting the way I've acted; it wasn't fair of me.  
I'll miss you all, and I will be back.  
I just don't know when.

Missing you already,  
Edward

I noticed I myself was crying when a little wet patch appeared on the letter. How had Jacob spoken to him; was it this morning? How did I create such a mess for Edward and his family? Why did I do it?

These were just a selection of the questions spinning around my mind as I turned to Alice, she had her face turned to the floor and was holding a pair of Jimmy Choo heels in her hands, absolutely awestruck. I wouldn't usually know the make of them but these were the same heels she had been seen in a magazine a few weeks ago and had squealed about repeatedly. These were the same heels she had matched up with the perfect dress and began saving up to buy. So it looks like Jasper's bought the dress.

I remembered how much I had laughed when she told me she serious about saving up for them; we had so much fun together.

Now there was no turning back.

"Get out!" Alice suddenly screamed, "Get out now, I don't want to have to see your face." Her face crumpled and she sunk to the floor. "You don't know what you've done," she moaned. "Out!"

I hesitated for a moment before doing what she said, I never had my mobile on me so I would either to try to have a cab pick me – which wasn't something I liked to do or walk home – which would be almost impossible in these crutches.

I reached the elevator, still trying to stifle the great sadness that was filling me at the repeated loss of Edward.

It was writing for me and I stepped inside slowly, there was a clear wristband on the floor, I didn't know why but I suddenly had the urge to bend down and pick it up.

It was pretty hard trying to reach it but I eventually had it in my grasp, I brung it up to my face and examined it closely, It contained a small slip inside its clear covering.

11.25.05  
Seattle medical unit

It was a hospital wristband, from the crash. An experience we shared which would always mark our short time together; I hated myself for it, but in a way I was thankful that I had that connection; even if it was unremembered.

I wasn't quite sure how it had gotten there but I was glad I found it, I was just about to stuff it in my jeans pocket when my fingers felt the abnormality in the smooth coating; I turned it round and held it even closer to me to get a better look. The plastic had been scratched –

I think I was falling for you too.

I was vaguely aware of elevator door closing over feet fell from under me, the crutches crashing to the floor with me also.

My mind was being overwhelmed with all the information I had been missing the past year, I remembered my family, my friends, my ex-boyfriend who is now my fiancé, my schools, my homes, starting university, going to parties;

Going to THE party,

tripping over,

knocking down the most beautiful man I ever met,

kissing him,

walking with him,

calling a cab with him,

laughing with him,

letting him hold me,

screaming.

The blackness came.

But I could now remember what happened during my darkest moments.

The person who gave me light to keep struggling on.

I remember him telling me; _I think I was falling in love with you._

And my triggering reply was...

_I think I was falling for you too._

And with that my overworked mind closed down.

***A.N – Woo – memory is back! – but will it make a difference? I need you guys to answer to questions for me if you could ------- No. 1 –What did you think? ------- No. 2 – Would you like a continuation of Bella's POV for next ch. Or a back track of Edward's?***


	15. Time to change

*A.N. - Okay – I was going to make this an extra long chapter and put Bella and Edwards POV in it – but I finally came to the conclusion that I think splitting it is better; I hope you'll understand ;) ;)*

"...It all meant nothing." Those were the words she chose to end everything with, stepping into the elevator and removing herself from my life.

Not quite the same as the first time, more painful; the memories which crawled their way into the front of my mind seemed so fresh, visions of her father telling me to leave his daughter alone, the destruction that one conversation had caused on my life.

But I never listened, look where it's gotten me. In one way I wish I had never met her again, not been able to get to know her face once more, her voice, her eyes, her soft pale skin, her scent... Everything about her so misleading to me.

Yet then I realise that without the "reunion" I would always have believed her dead, I would rather have her happy and living with someone else than dead and alone.

But she's gone every emotion seems to be getting worse than before; this time when she left she really said what she felt, she finally told me the truth, after years of mourning her death I think I may be able to find closure.

I know that I'll never be able to say that I've got over her , but now I have a clean cut to work with; one which I know closes over then leave a scar. The scar will be deep, but the fact that it will just fade to a scar gives me something to cling onto; no more poison left in it, giving me a drop of hope that I'll ever have Bella.

She picked him over me and now I'm going to have to do what I should have at least attempted to do three years ago.

Get over her.

I returned to my apartment refusing to think of what just happened, trying my hardest to straight away block everything out; it'll be easier that way, less painful. I realised quickly that would not be any use.

I turned out the majority of the power; I would just have some alone time; no phones, no bright lights, no interruptions.

I was at my bedroom door when I heard the knock; I never moved at first, just stood still longing for them to leave me alone.

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

I turned slowly heading towards the door, deciding to check who it was through the key hole.

Hope rose in me no matter how much I tried to expel it.

And I was right to try and stop it, outside my apartment was Alice.

"Alice you can't come in." I shouted a little, my attempt at a strong voice not exactly working.

"Why?" she smiled, winking at me.

It took me a second to realise why she was in such high spirits; she thought Bella was still inside.

"You just can't," I opened the door a crack and she gasped a little, probably at the coloured bruising on my face.

She stared at me for a few seconds, before frowning a little, "What's wrong Edward?"

I felt today's events flash forward, ready to be blurted out; but I wasn't ready yet to give them up, "Don't Alice," I answered, my throat constricting a little in the effort to hold everything together.

"Edward?" she asked a little quieter, "Whatever it is you can tell me," the concern showed on her face and suddenly I felt disgusted by the way I had grown so hermitic over the past years.

"Something happened with Bella, okay?" my voice became angry, I never meant it to be directed towards Alice; but I just couldn't stay sad and depressed any longer. I needed to be angry at something, blame myself for the loss of her love.

"What?" she reached her hand out towards me and I shrank back from it; I didn't want any ones sympathy, I wasn't good enough for her and that would be the end of it.

I saw the hurt look in her eyes and as angry as I was I instantly regretted my last action, "Sorry Alice," I dropped my gaze to the floor, "I don't really know how I feel right now."

"It's okay," she soothed, "just tell me what happened."

I wanted to tell her. But I couldn't, the pain of it to fresh, "I can't," my voice shook as I went on, "I'm not ready to tell you, please just leave me Alice."

"But-"

"Please Alice; just go." I brought my head up again, as my eyes found hers her face softened from the shocked expression it had before.

She hesitated for a moment before nodding; "I'm supposed to go out with Jasper today, but if you want me to go talk to Bella..."

"NO, no. It's fine Alice."

She nodded thoughtfully again, reaching out her hand, giving mine a quick squeeze before turning to go.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I found myself alone in the apartment once more.

I found some ibuprofen, swallowed them to help the pain in my face then went back to my bedroom.

Probably the worst night of my life and the pain never stopped when my eyes began to close without an option; my sleeping hours were riddled with the agony of my life.

I awoke earlier than usual, bad dreams not surprisingly the cause.

For those first few waking seconds yesterday was forgotten, I thought it was all a bad dream, but soon reality came crashing down on me, knocking the breathe out of me.

Last night had been a time of last reflection and when it got to the stage that my eyes were closing by themselves I was so scared of letting go, I didn't want to have to stop thinking about her, I wanted to go around to her house and knock on the door till she had to let me in, then I would tell her that I would always be waiting, and that if she was ever able to settle for average Edward Cullen, he would be there.

But it was time to move on, and whilst sorting through my thoughts and emotions last night I discovered a way out; a way to make everything easier.

Years ago, I had a very good friend, Ben, who moved away to be with his girlfriend in Italy, I believe she was doing some sort of research there and Ben was so loved up he followed her. We still send Christmas cards and call now and again. Not so much since the accident; but he still asks me at least once a year to come over there for a little while; relax myself in Europe. Every year I decline and say I'm too busy, truth be told, I just don't want to, it has nothing to do with Ben, I'm just not the biggest fan of travelling and as much as I hate to admit it I was little afraid of the upset it would cause to my daily routine. Too much socialising.

But maybe now was the time to give Ben a call; the question had been in my head just as I fell asleep and now it was returning; it would take away lots of the daily problems I would encounter from because of the loss of Bella, all the reminders this place holds for me.

I took a shower, the thought in my mind; by the time I stepped out of the hot water I was still torn, leaving my family wasn't exactly the best way to repay them for the patience they've had with me over the years.

I pulled on some jeans and a top when I heard a loud knock at the door; no doubt it would be Alice, I had forgotten to switch my phone or mobile back on; I pulled myself together for her. I didn't want her to see her brother like this.

Because of my assumption of who was at the door I opened the door fully without even thinking.

Outside, to my great shock, was Jacob.

He invited himself inside and I didn't stop him; he stepped to the side of me and turned to face him.

"You might be wondering for what reason I've come here; well I know about you and Bella for a start."

"It's all over." I reassured, even though it pained me so horribly to say those words.

"I know that," he replied, "but I just want to tell you what you are doing to her."

I felt my eyes widen; what I was doing to **her**?

"What?"

"She's been crying all night because she had to end it with you; You were selfish taking **my** fiancé, I mean look at you, you could get any girl but you chose her. Was it just because she was forbidden fruit? Could you not resist a challenge?"

The guy looked genuinely pained and I knew that had it been me in his position I would have done the same thing, he was doing what he thought was right for Bella, "No, it wasn't like that; I never really intended-"

"Intended to steal her?"

"Look, I never stole her; obviously she loves you more because she chose you." The anger I had felt inside me the last time I spoke to someone was beginning to boil over.

"Yeah but she never really chose me and you know it... She changed when she met you."

I couldn't believe this guy could be so deluded, clearly she just discarded me like I meant nothing, didn't he know that? "She told me herself that you were her choice, she said she loved you."

He glared at me for a little while, I wasn't quite sure what could be going on in his mind, he had just been given Bella's love and he didn't quite seem to appreciate that, "She said that," he finally breathed, " but I saw the way she acted around you, I don't know if I believe it."

"What more do you want!" I finally snapped, this guy had everything I wanted and he wanted more – "she is going to marry you, she loves you, and she chose you – just please get out of my house!"

He looked quite taken aback, "you know you're tearing her up inside," he warned me, "you're just making it harder for her to move on by staying in her life." He stepped out of the door and into the hallway, "just stay away from her," he added. "Please."

He turned away and began walking away as I closed the door.

I made the decision as the door clicked in the lock, turning the phone back on I quickly dialled Ben's number in waited out the rings until finally his voice came out of the phone.

"Ciao, chi chiama?"

"It's Edward,"

"Oh hi Edward, what can I do for you..."

After half an hour's worth of plans, time and directions it was settled that I would be leaving for Italy... today.

I packed only a small suitcase, organised everything with my work, left my spare keys with my neighbour and finally wrote a letter to Alice, explaining the reasons I wouldn't be here and why I was missing her 21st birthday. But they would understand that I might have a chance at being happy over there; my family would want that for me

Still, I felt horrible as I scribbled out a note, not even brave enough to tell everyone face to face.

I just didn't want to be stopped.

I set out Alice's birthday present, called a cab then went to my bedroom to drab the last things I needed out of my bedside cabinet.

Inside were my IPod, its charger, my passport, my wallet, my old mobile and something I wasn't quite sure what to do with.

My hospital tag; I had kept it as that little source of hope, keeping it with me as a reminder that Isabella Swan had said she loved me.

On the back of the bad were scratched words, words that meant something to me but never would to anyone else; exceptionally special to me.

And I didn't know if I could let them go.

So I took it in my hand and packed everything else into my rucksack I had kept for my hand luggage.

I opened the door and felt relief wash through me; I was finally free, maybe I could start doing something with my life and actually enjoy it, no matter the pain there would always be deep down.

The elevator was open, so I stepped inside, pulling along my suitcase.

The images of Bella telling me she didn't love me suddenly burst through my mind; she had been in this spot and had walked away from me forever.

Now I had to let go; I had to stop clinging to false hope, as the elevator opened at ground floor I let go of the band I had in my hand. Watching it fall and then stepping out.

Time to try and move on.

*A.N. - Review for me? X ? *


	16. Edward, please

***A.N. – I'm trying to finish this off for you guys, apoligies for it being so late but I've been so busy x***

Vibrations confused me, the thrumming of an engine annoyed my ears, the sobs of a woman opened my eyes.

I stared straight ahead for a few moments, disorientated, but then I worked out where I knew the chic black glove compartment opening from, where my eyes had been refocusing, "Alice?" I turned to see her relieved face, and felt my head fuzz a little, "what the hell just happened to me?" a slight pain slid across my forehead, and I reached my hand up to feel a small lump forming, painful at touch.

When she finally answered me her voice was restrained, bitter, it contained alot of withheld anger, "you passed out, I'm taking you to hospital," I thought back, and I remembered falling, I remembered why I fell and I couldn't help myself from shout.

"NO!" she jumped, my nails began scraping into the soft palms of my hands, I felt them beginning to break skin as Alice spoke and I stopped the pressure.

"What is it?" she snarled, tapping the steering wheel repetitively.

"Everything's changed now... everything." I took a breath, considering my next words, the importance of them, "I can't lie to him anymore, I know too much and I can't keep on," I bit my lip, my teeth chattering slightly from the effort of not breaking down, "when I was in the elevator, I found something, something so small but with such a big meaning... It was his wristband from the hospital," her eyes widened as she stared straight ahead, "and when I read it, when I realised what it actually was, it triggered something in my head, I don't know how the hell it did, I mean I have so many things relating to that one event in my life but nothing ever worked, then again, when I met Edward again, I started having small flashbacks, but only when I was with him – maybe that little wristband just reminded me that it's his fault I'm alive, he saved me that night and I remember him holding me tight, I remember," I pause for a huge breath, noticing Alice's trembling hands, "everything," tears poured out of me, "my parents, growing up, and him." My hands clapped together in happiness and frustration, "I can remember when we first met and I know, and whether you believe it or not, I have a distinct memory of having a conversation after the accident, like, when we were both comatosed," I cursed myself as I began speaking again, "he told me he loved him then and I kept him attached to me, because I told him it back, because I do, and now we need to go to the airport Alice, it's my last chance – even if you don't think I'm good enough for him, please just leave it for him to choose, let him see me again, I know where I belong, help me... please,"

Her face went through several emotions, confusing my mind, I prayed in desperation for her to take me, she finally started to speak to me and it didn't sound hopeful "I don't know if-"

"Alice, please," I begged.

"Let me finish," she pulled over as she continued, turning to me and looking directly at me, some of the anger gone from her face, "I don't know if we can make it for him, it looks like he left a good few hours ago , we don't even know if he'll be at the airport, and if we do get there in time, how do we know where to find him?" she placed a shaky hand on top of mine, "But, all the same, I'm behind you know, know you're sincere, and I'm still very very angry at you, but I'm gonna do this for Edward – you may be the only chance at happiness he'll have, maybe the only chance for me to get my brother back,"

"Thankyou,"

She started up the engine again, putting on her indicator as we approached the next roundabout, taking the turn off which was clearly marked as the way to Seattle airport.

I would find away, no matter what.

The journey was mostly made in silence, the car speeding through several amber lights in just a flash of luck, I thought of ways I could get to him, where he would go, but the truth is, sadly, that I just don't know him well enough – the love of my life and I don't know him. How sad, and I mean it.

Alice started asking questions once we were about 15 minutes away, she was about as clueless as me, the only thing we could think of was splitting up, I could use my "disability" to my advantage, people would move out of my way, "You're going to have to move quick Bella," Alice said sternly.

"I will, don't worry," she nodded, obviously not quite ready to trust me yet.

We entered the airport in rush, not speaking just knowing what to do. I hopped off one way and she ran the other, I took a deep breath then began to scream his name, as loud as I could, "EDWARD!!" my throat began to burn, my hands began to sting and my heart began to thump, but I couldn't give up.

I now understood what love actually is.

It's every single colour in the rainbow.

It's the most precious jewel.

It's what keeps the world going round.

It's what's in me and it's so, so much more than just a "relationship" – it's everything.

So much so that words couldn't describe it, I knew it before, I tried to stop it, but now it's too overpowering, in books, in movies, I thought it was a fairytale, but it's not. It's completely and truly real.

I knew I had begun to cry as my voice stared to crack and become hoarse but I kept shouting, "Please Edward," I moaned, so afraid, so undeserving.

Almost all hope was lost as I caught a glimpse of a bronze head, I knew it was him, it couldn't have been anyone else and I tried to run to him, I really did, but he was going through the gate, I creamed and shouted, causing many others to stare but he didn't even seem to notice me.

I moaned a loud heartbroken moan as he walked away on the other side of the gateway and I couldn't get through, but I guess fate was looking after me. Alice suddenly came smack bang into me so hard she had to grab both of my arms to keep me upright.

"He's gone through," I panted, he's gone. I was distraught I couldn't stand still I kept wobbling about, bucket loads of tears falling from my eyes.

"He's not gone Bella, just trust me," she stuck something in my pocket, "there's a ticket, just get through there and go after him. Get my brother home Bella, please.

***A.N. – Next update should be soon, most of the next chapter's already done x***


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